Survival Rate
by CharlieBlackNails
Summary: Stella has crashed on the island, and is trying to deal with it as well as any 17 y.o. with a dark past can. This is her journal, and the tale of a girl trying to survive...because that's all she can do. OC with C&C and others
1. Day 1 and the crash

DAY 1

I'm going to die here. There's no way I'll survive if we aren't rescued. This morning, I was on a plane going back to LA. Suddenly it started to get really bumpy, like we hit a patch of bad turbulence. Then in an instant this guy behind me and a couple rows back gets thrown up against the ceiling and then falls back down. The plane starts to shake and groan and the oxygen masks fell down. People were screaming, but I couldn't open my mouth. I heard a noise behind me and felt this huge burst of air rush past me, but I didn't turn around to see what was going on, I guess I pretty much knew. At that point I don't think I prayed, or made my peace with anyone I'd been fighting with. I think I just shut my eyes and waited for the end to come. I guess at that point it would have been a relief.

But for some reason, here I am. 18 and I've survived a plane crash. How? I have no fucking idea, but I did. And so did 48 other people. I thought for sure every person on that plane would be killed, and me as well, but by some chance of fate we've been thrown together on this tropical hell-hole of an island and I'm alone. I mean I guess I could go up to someone, put together a conversation starter…not like I'm going to. I miss LA and the Smoothie King down the block and hell, I even miss my parents, the assholes that they are. They are 48 people on this beach and I haven't seen one person my age. Well, alive that is. I did see someone who looked about my age, but he wasn't flat on his stomach and not moving, and I was too stunned to check him out any closer. Imagine me, speechless. Words have always been my medium, like oil or clay…see what I mean? Poetry. But here, I can't seem to talk to anyone. I heard there was a doctor that survived, but I'm sure he has more important things to do than tend to me and the scary looking gash on my wrist. It even looks like I slit my wrist, only the cut isn't in a straight line…it's all a mass of blood and sand now, I can't really tell. At least maybe I'll get a cool scar. Listen to me! Shouldn't I be crying or screaming or something other than sarcastic and cynical?

Well at least I have food now. This HUGE guy came up to me and offered me meat or fish: an in flight dinner, sealed for my protection and just as gross as the first time. I chose the meat (no way would I eat fish, too slimy and scaly), and thanked him. He smiled and asked me if I was alone here. I nodded, and then he said the first thing that made sense to me the whole 5 ½ hrs. I've been here, "Bummer, man". Ahhh, someone I can communicate with. I ate the dinner quickly and felt sick afterwards, though I doubt it was from the food. I heard a noise behind me and leapt to my feet, running to the huge fire nearer to the water. There was a bunch of people already there; a girl with blond hair and a short skirt, sitting with a guy who looked like he wanted to be nearer to her but couldn't for some reason. There was a man who looked to be Middle Eastern and some person hunched over with a black hoodie up over his head. It looked like he was writing something on his hands. I looked down at my own and saw a few scribbles of important phone numbers and a crooked star I absentmindedly drew on the plane. I sat down on an empty seat and stared into the fire. I was just closing my eyes to try and imagine that I was sitting by the fire in a friend's house, listening to some music and just relaxing, when suddenly this loud noise came from the forest. Everyone jumped out and crowded around each other. I heard little bits things people were whispering, things like "Did you guys hear that?" and "What is that?" but I refused to get any closer than where I was. The noise continued for a little bit, and the trees shook, which maybe scared me more than the noise. I mean, anything can make a scary noise, but to make huge palm trees shake and fall down. That's something all together. Eventually people sat down and the silence continued, although this time it was out of fear, not lack of something to say.

"Hi.", said someone beside me. I looked up to see a woman, probably not too much older than myself smiling at me. She had long blond hair and to my surprise looked to be very pregnant.

"Hi.", I answered back, trying to smile but failing miserably.

"I'm Claire. Are you by yourself too?" she asked. God, did everyone want to know that? Somehow though I wasn't annoyed by her upbeat attitude and found enough energy to talk to her.

"Yeah. Yeah it's just me." She smiled.

"Me too. Well, I mean except for the baby." I looked down at her stomach. God was I glad I wasn't pregnant and stranded on a desert island. I felt enough sympathy for her not to say sucks for you though, which was a first. I guess I must have been stroking my wrist because Claire said, "You should go talk to the doctor about that, looks pretty bad. His name's Jack, I think." I thanked her and left the light of the campfire to go find this Jack. I went in the direction Claire pointed in until I saw a makeshift hut and a man kneeling over someone: Bingo.

"Um, excuse me, I was wondering, if you're not too busy, um, could you maybe check out my wrist?" He turned around and looked at me, then back at his patient. I noticed there was a lot of blood on his right side.

"Yeah. Let me see it." I showed him the wrist, wincing a little as he twisted it around. He grabbed a bottle of water and a torn piece of fabric and cleaned off the crusted blood and sand.

"I think I should sew this up, I don't want it to open up again." I nodded, a little uneasy at the thought of being "sewn up" anywhere but a white sterile hospital.

"Ok." I answered and he smiled and handed me a mini bottle of Jack Daniels. I unscrewed the cap, eager for anything to drown the fear and held it to my lips to down it.

"Wait. That's for the cut, not to drink."

"Sorry." I told him, a little embarrassed at the mistake.

"How old are you anyway?" He asked, putting some of the alcohol on the cloth and dabbing it on my wrist. A sharp stab of pain raced up to my shoulder and back down again and I cried out in a small voice.

"18." I croaked out. A few tears sliding down my cheek as he began to sew it up.

"That's a little too young to be so eager to drink Jack Daniels, don't you think?"

He finished sewing and I looked down to examine his handiwork. 16 fine little black stitches formed a sort of wonky star with a few missing sides. I scrunched up my nose and ran my fingers over them.

"Thanks. Thank you." I said He started wrapping a black strip of fabric round and round my wrist and then tied it off.

"Sure. Come see me again tomorrow night and I'll check on it." I nodded and turned to go back to the fire, exhausted and ready to sleep, hoping that I'll wake up in my own bed, and this all will have been a dream.

"Hey! What's your name?" Jack yelled.

"Stella! It's Stella!" I answered him, and continued on my way.


	2. Day 2, back pain, and remembering the cr...

DAY 2

I've never felt such pain. I woke up this morning with my back so sore I couldn't move. I must have fallen on my back out of the plane, but I can't exactly recall. All I remember is closing my eyes in the plane as we were going down and then waking up, half in the water with the loudest noises I've ever heard around me. I got up, looked around and dragged myself out of the water, not believing what I saw. People were running around, dragging people behind them, calling out names or just screaming. Some people were just wandering around looking shocked. I ran up to the wreckage of the plane and spun around trying to find someone who would tell me what I was supposed to do, but there was no one even looking at me. People, rushed past me, smoke rushed past me. I coughed and then had to dodge a flaming piece of plane that had just whizzed past me. That girl with blond hair and the short skirt was screaming her head off and crying like a baby. It was then that it occurred to me that maybe I should find my carry-on bag, knowing that there was a cell phone somewhere in it. But all I saw was debris, people with blood and ash on their faces, and bodies lying everywhere. Someone called out to me to help them drag someone away from a fire, so I helped, but my body moved without even thinking. As soon as the job was done I found my carry-on bag lying on its side in the sand, and again (without thinking) grabbed it and ran. I ran away from the wreckage… I just couldn't look anymore. I finally stopped at the edge of the forest, down the beach from the plane. There, I sat down waited until the screaming inside my head stopped. It started getting dark eventually so I headed back to where everyone was, but still stayed away from the wreckage.

So anyways, back to my back. It felt like I was lying on 5,000 needles and an elephant was in return standing on me, pushing them deep into my flesh. I thought about calling out for Jack, hoping he might have some Icy-Hot or anything to keep my back for hurting so fucking much, and allow me to move again, but I figured he was probably doing doctorish things and back pain was not on his list of urgent medical matters. With much pain and struggle I managed to sit up and look around. People were kind of milling around, searching through their luggage, or nursing their wounds. No one was crying anymore, mostly an ethereal silence had fallen over us all. I looked down beside me and saw my bag, which I hadn't even opened since I found it, so I unzipped the zipper and delved inside. Well, ain't I a great asset to have on an island after your plane has crashed. All I had in my bag was some lip gloss, a paperback copy of Morte D'Arthur, a folded copy of some Punk-Rock magazine I bought at the Sydney airport, and a half eaten bag of Doritos. God knows what happened to my cell phone, it was probably burning along with the plane. Or at least I thought, luckily I tend to forget about pockets and things of that sort, and of course, the bag had a pocket in which was…my cell phone! I then somehow leapt to my feet and ran up to where people were and starting yelling, "Hey! I have a cell phone!" And so I turned it on…and there wasn't a shred of a signal on the screen. Of course. I felt a shadow come over and looked up to see the Middle-Eastern man I saw last night.

"I could have told you it doesn't work. Where do you suppose the nearest radio tower is?"

"Sorry, I just…"

"It's alright," he said, smiling, "I'm hopeful too."

And then he left, and once again I had no one to talk to. Is this what it's going to be like till we're rescued. Not that that'll be too long right? I mean, they'll probably be here by tomorrow, maybe even tonight, right? I don't know how much longer I can take this before I crack. The good part is that at least there are a lot of good looking men here. I mean, mostly older than me, but I can look and dream right? There's one that's always hanging around that whiny short skirt girl (I could hear her complain from down the beach), so I guess he's already taken. There's another with sort of longish hair, woowhee he is gorgeous! He has that sort of bad boy/cowboy thing going on. I haven't caught his name yet, but I'll be listening. I even found out who was wearing the black hoodie at the fire last night. He walked past me and I caught I glimpse of his fingers; there's athletic tape with the letters F-A-T-E written on them. He has on a black and grey striped shirt and even has the checkerboard VANS I ordered back in LA before going to Sydney…wonder if I'll ever see them? I thought about yelling out to him "Hey you look cool, let's CHAT!", but then I had to remind myself that I wasn't a complete loser.

Someone brought me a bottle of water and another packaged meal awhile ago, and I ate the rest of the Doritos about five minutes after I found them. I even found a pair of sunglasses laying in the sand, so know I'm in total island mode. Hopefully, island mode will soon switch to rescue boat mode.

LATER THAT DAY

I ran into the woods and put on my bathing suit, because I was burning up on the sand. The water was slightly cool and felt good on my aching back. I caught some sicko looking at me and waded out farther so that I was up to my neck in the water, swam around for a bit and then got out, wishing I had my duffel bag so that I had a towel. Instead I put back on my shirt and shorts decided to make myself useful. There was a woman with wavy brown hair that was digging through some of the wreckage and I asked if I could help.

"Sure. I'm just pulling some of the broken pieces off, making sure there's no one trapped underneath. Here, help me pull this big piece off." She said. I nodded and grabbed the opposite end and pulled. And wouldn't you know, my luggage was underneath!

"Holy shit that's my stuff!" I cried, running over to it and hoisting it over my shoulder. The woman laughed and put the broken wing piece down at her feet.

"Is there anything useful in it?" she asked.

"Well, I know there's clothes, and shampoo, and deodorant. And that stuff's definitely useful to me, but if you mean like a helicopter or a radio tower or never ending supply of food, then no." She laughed again and stuck out her hand.

"I'm Kate"

"Stella" I replied shaking her hand.

"Us girls have to stick together in situations like this." She smiled.

"Tell me about it. Some guy was totally checking me out when I was in the water a bit ago." Kate rolled her eyes at the thought and sighed.

"Well, I need to get back to work." I nodded and dragged my bag over to my spot on the sand. Everything I thought was in it was indeed there, but I guess I was looking for something better than just toiletries and clothes. What? I don't know…but something.

Claire came over and talked with me for a bit, probably because I looked so sad and pathetic. She told me how her Aunt's name is Stella after I introduced myself, and we talked about previous vacations and how much we wanted showers and to listen to the radio. I found out that she was 24, and she talked about what she remembered of being 17, which was she said was a whirlwind of schoolwork and stress, to which I wholeheartedly assured her had not changed. Hopefully, I won't feel stupid and alone on the island now, Claire even said she'd move her stuff over next to mine when I told her how I was tired of being alone. I'm glad because after that thing last night in the forest, I'm not sure I ever want to be alone again. Well, maybe on the toilet…Anyway, night closed in and Claire pulled out her diary, which gave us a good laugh and a conversation about how fate pulled together a couple of girly diary-keepers, to which I argued that mine was a journal (not to be confused) and that I wasn't THAT girly, and we went to sleep.


	3. Day 3 and meeting Charlie

Day 3

God. I can't believe this is the third day we've been here. We should have been rescued yesterday. Anyways, I woke up right as the sun was coming up, which might have normally been a beautiful Kodak moment, but it was bright as shit and right in my eyes and I wanted to sleep. So I got up and went down to the water and washed my face a bit before noticing that there was a woman sitting up the beach by herself. I was thinking that maybe she was alone her too, like me, and I (in one of my more generous moments) thought that maybe she was waiting for someone to talk to too and walked over to where she was.

Well I guess she didn't want to talk, because she just sat there, not moving, not talking, hell, she might not have even been moving. I stood there for awhile next to her, staring out at the sea and the sunrise, and then noticed that Claire was awake and went to greet her.

"Good morning", she smiled.

"Morning. Sunrise wake you up too?" I asked. She sighed.

"No, I haven't slept past seven in three months. Morning sickness just comes along with the territory." She said, looking down at her stomach.

"Um, maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that morning sickness was just for the first trimester or so?" Claire laughed.

"I wish. I've had it only in the third trimester. I was happy as a clam in the first and second. I just…never mind" she said, sitting down on the sand.

"What? You just…"

"The baby hasn't moved. I haven't felt it move since I got on the plane. I'm just worried, ya know…maternal instinct." She laughed this fake little half laugh that I hadn't heard before. Usually she laughed from her belly, a full laugh. I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

"It's probably just scared. I'd be scared too if I was surrounded in goo and was in a plane crash but couldn't tell because the goo was covering my eyes. I'm sure he…or she is fine, Claire." She laughed, it was happier, but still not perfect.

"Thanks." I nodded. We got up, and then I did something I'd never done before…I went to the bathroom in a pair. I'd always thought that girls _having_ to go to the bathroom in groups was ridiculous, but I wasn't about to go into that jungle alone, and I knew that Claire didn't want to be alone right then, so I went with her. And it wasn't as stupid as I thought. I mean, it wasn't like we squatted right next to each other, I mean I couldn't even see her, but found each other again afterwards and walked back to the camp (if you could call it that) where people were waking up. Jack saw me and called me over.

"You forgot to see me last night."

"Sorry, I finally found someone to talk to, so I was…um, talking." Jack smiled.

"Good. Now let me see your wrist." I showed him and he nodded and looked at it from different angles, then nodded some more. Very doctorish.

"Looks good, just try not to twist your wrist around too much, you might open up the cut."

"Thanks, Jack." I said, then noticed the man he was standing over. He had a bandage around his head and I winced as I noticed the piece of metal stuck at least 3 inches into his side. Ouch. As much as it sucked being bored all day and stressing about what it was going to be like if we didn't get rescued before I got my period, in no way did I want to be this guy.

"Is he gonna live?" I asked Jack, staring down at the unconscious body.

"Hopefully. If we were in a proper hospital we could have taken the shrapnel out long ago, but there are no defibrillators or proper life support…I just can't tell right now. If I pull it out he'll bleed to death."

I nodded. "Well, good luck."

"Thanks. I'm gonna have to leave him today, just for awhile. Do you think you could keep and ear open, you know in case he starts gagging or something."

"Sure, but what happens if he does? I mean, I can put on a band-aid but I'm not sure if I can, you know, save a life…or something."

Jack smiled. "I doubt anything will happen, but if he does start gagging put him over on his side, the one that doesn't have the shrapnel in it. Keep him on his side and don't give him water or food. I don't think I should be gone for more than a couple hours at the most." I nodded.

"Sure. No problem. It's not like I have anything else to do." I turned and walked away to find Claire. She was standing next to the guy with the writing on his fingers. They had just finished loading a suitcase onto a wheelchair and using it as a sort of wheelbarrow to drag the luggage across the sand.

"Hey Stella. This is uh..Charlie. Right?" She indicated to the man beside her.

"Yep. Charlie. That's me. Stella is it?" He said extending his hand. I shook it and felt the athletic tape underneath my fingers.

"Yeah. Why the letters?"

"I don't know. Something to do. You know, besides…digging through debris…" He trailed off. I decided then and there that Charlie and Claire would be important to me on the island. I immediately began thinking of what it would be like when we were rescued. I'd go back to England, Claire to Australia, and Charlie (by his accent) to England. Unless he was moving to LA, bad idea. Very dodgy town. The three of us talked for the rest of the afternoon. After dinner I saw Hurley (I found out his name, he's the huge guy who brought me my dinner on the first night) with some earphones on his head, and I remembered I had my CD player as well. I found it in my luggage as well as my two cases full of CDs. Charlie was sitting with us and picked up one of my cases.

"Mind if I take a look?" He asked in that great British accent of his.

"Sure. I have just about some of everything, except country. I can't stand it. My mom loves Willie Nelson, but I'm more of a Green Day kinda girl."

"Ha. That's me as well." He said while unzipping it and flipping through the collection. Mutterings different approvals about "Cream", "Bon Jovi" and the like. Suddenly his face lit up and sat up on his knees.

"You have Drive Shaft!" He cried. I nodded. I loved the band, but he must have been some sort of psycho fan.

"That's me! That's my band. I play bass!" He continued.

"What? You're kidding me!" I cried, standing up in my one moment of groupie-dom, "I love you guys! I can't believe this. But what happened to you? I mean, I was really looking forward to seeing you if you ever came to LA, and then you just disappeared from the scene. My friend went to the Second Tour of Finland because her father spoils her rotten, but I was so jealous!" I must have continued to go on forever, with Charlie sitting there looking so happy as I went on and on about the band. It was obvious he hadn't heard such praise in a while. "So what did happen to you?" I asked again. Charlie's exuberant expression immediately lessened. Now it looked like a child whose balloon has just been burst.

"My brother had a daughter, and he wasn't there for her to be born, so he decided he needed to take some time off, right thing to do, of course. But that was about a year ago…so I guess maybe Drive Shaft is done. At least for now."

"Oh. That's too bad. You guys really rocked. I would have liked to hear some new music from you some day."

"You never know. My big brother might change his mind. Or maybe I'll write you a song while we're waiting to get rescued." I smiled.

"Thanks Charlie. That'd be nice."

A few minutes later, Charlie went off to his sleeping place, and Claire and I stretched out on our makeshift beds and looked at the stars before going to sleep.

Hey everyone. I hope you all are enjoying the story. I wanted to let you all know that my OC will not be getting together with Charlie. I'm a HUGE C/C shipper, and I don't want anyone w/ Charlie but Claire. So don't worry!

Vicki


	4. Day 4, boars, and the boredom sets in

Day 4

The man Jack was caring for, the one with the shrapnel in his side…he's screaming now. He must have woken sometime during the night. I had kept my ear open like Jack asked me to yesterday, but I heard nothing. I even walked by the tent to see if he was conscious. Nothing. But now? Now everyone looks away from the tent and furrows their brows in pained and sickened expressions when they hear him. People have been talking about putting him out of his (and our) misery. How they expect someone to kill him when all we have is a dwindling food supply and a rather large collection of wood is beyond me, but something has to be done.

Tensions are definitely getting high; people are starting to fight. These two men (including the hottie with the sandy longish hair, I found out his name is Sawyer)….(oh god did I just say the word "hottie"? Fuck me, I did.) were really going at it earlier on. They were finally forced to break up, but it was looking pretty nasty for awhile. I'm also starting to worry about Claire, she goes to sit by herself a lot and rubs her stomach and looks sad, and every time I go to talk to her she looks so desperate to get off this island.

I've started to have trouble sleeping again. Sometimes when it happens I just stare up at the stars and wait to either fall back to sleep or for the sun to rise. Last night though I pulled my sweatshirt/makeshift blanket up to my chin like when I was little and debated in my head whether to run to get Jack, since he seems to be the big strong man here. But Jack got up for me, he must have heard it to because he and some others who apparently heard the noises too went to the fuselage to find the source. The memory of that thing in the jungle tearing through the trees came back to me, but in a very brave action for me I sat up, then slowly stood up, and walked over to the crowd of people standing behind Jack, who had a flashlight in his hand. Sawyer was behind him and Kate was there too, so I stood next to her.

"What is it, Kate?" I asked when I was beside her.

"I don't know. Just…stay back." It was then I realized. We had been here four days, and already I had three people that cared about my safety. That was maybe about as many people that cared about me before the crash, and them I'd known my whole life.

Jack and Sawyer moved into the open end of the fuselage and focused the flashlight beam into it. I watched as they squinted their eyes to make out what it was and then suddenly turn on their heel and motioned everyone to run. I looked over my shoulder as I was running back to camp and saw at least 2 huge boars hightailing it back into the woods. I feel incredibly sick thinking about what they could have been eating in there. I slowly managed to fall back asleep but not without having a few nightmares involving evil boars.

That morning, some one had put some fruit next to my "bed", so I had a nice breakfast of papaya, which I had never found before (not even when I was a month-long vegetarian). I walked down the beach a bit and noticed a woman sitting by herself by the water. I thought about going to talk to her, but then I was reminded why Claire was such a great friend: she made the first move to be the opening conversation person, to which I'm still grateful. It was a hot day, so I swam about in the ocean for a bit. Around 10:00 Claire came bounding up to me (well, she bounded as much as she could with a belly Buddha would have been proud of).

"Stella! It moved! The baby moved!" She cried out, wading out to me.

"Really! I told you it was going to be fine." I hugged her, a sensation that still felt a bit odd for me, and we walked out of the water to dry off on the sand.

The rest of that day was odd. People began to settle in somewhat. I was tempted to as well, especially after I came up with a way to make an awesome bedside table, but Claire didn't seem to hot on the idea of forgetting about being rescued, and for once in my life I followed the crowd. Charlie came and talked with me a bit, he'd promised to tell me about touring with Drive Shaft and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I do think he left out some of the racier parts of the story, possibly because he thinks that I'm some innocent teenager. I'm not saying I'm a slut, but living in LA has certainly given me more opportunities than if I was living in say…Idaho. There was a time in my life, where I practically lived at the Viper Club, but those days are long past (those I do miss the familiar customers, Joe especially). I've never been one to believe in kindred spirits, or that Anne of Green Gables shit, but if I did, I think Charlie and I would be them. I couldn't find Claire, but then I saw her sitting with her feet in the water, writing in her diary. It turns out she now had a pretty extensive list of baby names. I noticed there were more names for boys than girls, and whether it was wishful thinking or a mom sort of sense, she seemed content with the thought of it being a boy.

Night seemed to come quickly, and with it another meal of tropical fruit, which I'm sure will become incredibly hard to stand after awhile. My only hope is that on the rescue boat they'll have guacamole doritoes and about 10 turkey sandwiches with smoked Gouda. Some grape soda would be nice too.

Now here's my new send-off:

Good-night…you fucking island.


	5. Day 5, stealing nail polish, and a fires...

DAY 5.

Well, it's done. The Marshall is dead, no thanks to Sawyer. Last night, just as I was falling asleep after a rousing game of "count the grains of sand in your shoes" with Claire, I heard a gun. By that I mean I heard a gun fire. I shot out of my bed and helped Claire to her feet.

"What happened?" she asked. I shrugged. Then I saw Sawyer coming out of Jack's tent, gun practically smoking in his hand. For a moment I was relieved. The man was out of his misery and Sawyer got to shoot someone. Ha, yeah that would have been nice. Jack shot a very serious glare at Sawyer before running into his tent. I sat down with Claire and began to get ready for bed again, but then Jack comes running out of his tent yelling at Sawyer like it was going out of style.

"You shot him in the chest?" Jack screamed.

"I was aiming for his heart!" Sawyer screamed back.

"Well you missed!" I tried not to listen at that point because the groans began again in the tent. Jack looked at Sawyer with the most disgust I've ever seen in a person's face and walked back into the tent.

The Marshall must have died sometime in the night, though, because I woke up to silence (well, as silent as a beach with people fighting over the last of the food can be). Claire was already up and helping Sayid with the luggage, er.., the dead people's luggage. I tried to find Hurley, since he was the one handing out the food the first night. It's not that I think the big guy always knows where the food is, but, well, you know. But Hurley had no idea, and hadn't had breakfast himself. I grabbed a piece of fruit from the pile by my bed and ate it with almost no relish. Man am I getting tired of tropical fruit.

I helped Claire sort things for a while, but couldn't stand to see the look on her face when she found the wedding plans book for the people sitting behind her, so I dragged her away to show her my surprise: I stole some nail polish from Shannon. It's not like she desperately needs it, her toes are already painted and its not exactly a necessity (unless someone can make a boat or something out of it, highly doubtful). I painted Claire's toes and then she painted mine, although it was a bit hard for her (with the belly and all), so my toes look a little like a Monet painting. I knew she was still thinking about the wedding book and the other things, and I thought about trying to find Charlie to come and sing or something (not that he would, might bring some painful memories or something). Finally I saw a group of people congregating around near that creepy old guy Locke, so I left Claire to find out what was up. Turns out there's less food than I though, and Locke packed like 200 knives, so he was gonna hunt boar. BOAR! I mean, those crazy huge things that were in the fuselage the other night. I've never eaten boar, but it's meat, and hopefully better than papaya, so I'm all for it.

I wish I had some interesting tidbits to dish about the rest of the day, but really it was pretty uneventful. Claire and I tucked the nail polish back inside Shannon's things without her having any idea (unless she like, weighs the bottle to determine the change in weight or something). And then Claire told me her idea. She'd talked to Jack, and since he didn't want to do it himself, she was planning on leading a sort of memorial service. I smiled. It was a sweet idea, and though religion had never been my thing, I agreed with her that those who didn't survive the crash deserved to have the proper respects paid to them.

The service was nice. Claire led it, mostly she just read out bits of information she'd found in luggage. Some of the things were a little odd, like the person whose only info was that they wore contact lenses. But when Claire got to the engaged couple I could see her pause a bit and touch her stomach. After it was over I walked her back to our spot, and in silence we got into out makeshift sleeping bags and closed our eyes…..that didn't mean, however, that I slept. After about 20 minutes I heard Claire's peaceful deep breathing beside me and slipped out of my covers. It was amazing how cool the air got at night. I grabbed my plane blanket and pulled it up to my shoulders as I walked to the fire. There was someone sitting there and I was pleasantly surprised to find it to be Charlie.

"Hi Stella. Can't sleep either?" He smiled. I sat down beside him and gazed into the fire.

"No. I'm used to staying up to all hours of the night, and I guess I finally slept off all the jetlag. So here I am. You?"

Charlie pulled the hood off his head and scratched his beard.

"Me neither. Sleep's not exactly a habit with me. Even when I was a kid I'd sneak out of the house and walk down the street in the middle of the night. My mum thought I was crazy because it wasn't like I had this insane energy during the day, I just didn't sleep." I wanted to tell Charlie about the dreams, and that the real reason I didn't sleep was because I was too scared to, but I didn't think it really mattered anymore. The two of us sat in silence for what seemed like hours before Charlie nudged me. Apparently I'd dozed off sitting up, and it was time for bed finally.

"You should sleep, Stella. It's a lot harder to find silence here than home, wherever that is." I smiled. When he wanted to he could be a very beautiful talker. I finally left him still sitting to go to bed, and was asleep in minutes.

Hey you all, everybody. I hoped this chapter isn't as boring like it feels. I was kind of in between episodes without a lot of interesting bits. Next chapter should be better though. Thanks for the reviews.


	6. Days 6 7, Sawyer, and S's history

Hello all. Finally, for all those who have been waiting, here's a peek into Stella's past. Also the means that what's written is correct i.e. it's scarred, not scared. Just in case you were wondering! OK now on to the fun part. I want Stella to have some convo's q/ more than just Claire or Charlie. So you all can decide who she needs to talk to. Will it be Jack, or Sayid, or even Shannon? The character with the most votes will win! Ready……GO!

DAY 6

Today is hot. I mean hot hot hot. I was trying to forget about it by listening to all my music, but I think my player fried, because it stopped working. At least that's what I thought at first, but then I realized that my batteries were dead…lucky me. Claire didn't have any, and neither did Charlie, and I felt bad asking anyone else, so I turned to the only person I'd heard had EVERYTHING. Sawyer. I have to admit I was a little nervous. I mean, he sits there all by himself, gets into fights with Sayid and hates Jack. Not that I'm in love with Jack or anything, but he's doctor, and he's taking care of us all, so I could never truly hate him the way Sawyer does. So, I gathered my wits, brushed off the sand and got to my feet. I passed Claire on my way and she gave me a sort of warning glance; everyone here knew that Sawyer was not the friendliest of men, but I've met worse, and I shook of my fright.

"Hey…ah, Sawyer?" I asked when I was standing in front of him.

"What do want, teeny bop?" He asked with a sort of half smile, which sort of grossed me out in a "ewwww not another pervert" way, but then I'd heard some of his other nicknames, so I figured I was ok.

"What a nice name, thanks. Anyway", I said, brushing it off while he stared at me like I was the first person to ever sass him (as my mother once called it), "I am in need of a pair of AA batteries. Now I know you have just about everything here, so hows about it?" Sawyer laughed.

"Well, missie doesn't like teeny bop. I'll have to think of another."

"Sawyer! The batteries!"

"Now hold up, you know mine name, and I ain't a clue as to yours." I sighed, but relented.

"Stella." I answered. He smirked.

"Stella? Like in 'Streetcar Named Desire'? Maybe I'll call you Streetcar. How 'bout that?"

"It's better than calling me Desire." Sawyer laughed.

"Well fine then, I'll keep thinking." I nodded…and waited…and kept waiting.

"So know that we're best friends, you think you could uh…share the wealth with me?" Once again he laughed. I was really starting to hate him.

"Now hold on. I got your batteries, but I'm not sure I wanna share them." He held up a pack of Duracells. I crossed my arms and shifted my weight to the side, a movement I wasn't used to, but it seemed to work for other girls, so why not?

"You've gotta be kidding me. We went through all this for you to say no?"

"Now did you hear me say no?" I furrowed my brow. Couldn't he just give me the fucking batteries?

"You said you weren't sure you wanted to share them."

"I did. But I'm sure we can work something out." I dropped my jaw. This guy was a hell of a lot more cocky than I thought.

"Oh no. Uh-uh. You're not getting that!" I wanted those batteries, but not _that_ badly.

"Ha. I don't mean it like that. I just mean that if I'm about to give you something, it only makes sense that I get something in return."

"Fine." I relented, "What do you want?" He sat up on his plane seat.

"Whatcha got?" I sighed. He was trying to make this as hard as possible.

"Well, to be quite honest, not much. Some clothes, a dead cell phone…CDs. That's about it" His eyes stared me down, then glanced up to the top of my head.

"What about those?" He asked, pointing to the sunglasses on the top of my head.

"You want my sunglasses? But, I mean…they're kinda girly. They have leopard print on them for pete's sake!" He smiled.

"Well, I think I'll take the risk." I took them off my head and held them out.

"Here. Take them. Leave me stumbling around blindly in this fucking heat because I can't see where I'm going. But of course, I'll get two batteries." I said sarcastically. Sawyer took the sunglasses and put them on. He looked like a real idiot, but of course, ultimately it was impossible for him to look _all_ bad.

"I'll throw in some vodka, just for you. You look like you could handle it. But just for future reference…how old are you?"

"Seventeen. But I look older don't I? L.A. tends to do that."

"L.A. that's it."

"That's what?"

"Your nickname. L.A." I rolled my eyes and took the batteries and the tiny vodka bottle. If we don't get rescued soon, I'll definitely need the extra buzz.

I retreated back to my spot to check and make sure the batteries worked…lucky for Sawyer they did. I spent the rest of the day listening to my music and pretending I was home in my bed.

DAY 7

I cried for the first time today. Well, maybe not the first time, but tears were something my eyes had not felt in a loooong time. I had another dream last night, and while I can't exactly remember what happened in it, it must have been bad because I woke up crying. Not sobbing or anything, just little tears on my cheeks. Claire was eating a guava and immediately asked me what was wrong when I woke up, which was sweet.

"Nothing. It was just a bad dream." I answered she smiled and offered her sleeve, which I declined, but all of it made me smile in the end.

"Claire, you are already playing Mom, you realize that, right?" I asked her after her sleeve offering. She smiled slightly at first, but then grinned widely.

"Really? How do you know?"

"Because you look after me and ask me what's wrong when I'm crying and offer me your sleeve, which is the ultimate Mom thing. You'll be perfect for when the baby comes." Claire nodded.

"I don't mean to baby you, but you seem so…scarred or alone sometimes. I just worry about my new friend here by herself." I laughed.

"Well, I think your new friend should be the one looking after you in your condition. Since you don't have anyone here either." Suddenly I realized; Claire was here by herself and she wasn't wearing a ring…where was the baby's father? I was about to ask her when she began to talk herself.

"Stella…I was wondering…why were you in Sydney? Did you live there, or were you on a vacation…or something?" I stared down at the sand.

"I was running away. It sounds so stupid to say it out loud but it's true. Back home in L.A., my mother and my doctors were trying to…um, well it doesn't matter. I couldn't stay there and have them decide what happens to me. So I left. I thought in Australia I could stay with my Dad, but he died two days after I got there, so I was on my way back to L.A. to give up and give in. I guess it was almost luck that the plane crashed, for me at least." I stopped and swallowed hard to fight back more tears, "I couldn't go back there." I waited a few seconds for Claire to say something but she was silent. That seemed to be normal reaction to my story…I hate to think how they'd act if I told them the entire thing.

"Stella, I'm so sorry. About your Dad and all." I nodded, then asked my own question.

"Claire…if it's not too awful of me to ask, where the baby's father? Was he your husband, or boyfriend? Why wasn't he on the plane?" Claire got this look of almost anger on her face, an expression I'd never seen before.

"He left me about a month ago. Said it wasn't going to work, but it was his idea we have the baby in the first place." And then she kept talking. It was like she'd had this weight on her chest that she hadn't relieved yet, and she'd chosen me to tell. She told me about the adoption service and the psychic's scary revelation. It seemed that she had just as unfortunate a past as I did. When we were done talking I realized how late it was. We shook off the sadness that came along with sharing unwanted memories and left to find some food. Turns out Locke had managed to bag a boar, and it was roasting beautifully which some papaya fruit rubbed into its skin; how gourmet. It actually wasn't that bad, and it was way better than fruit for the millionth meal in a row. When I lay down to sleep that night I felt amazingly calm. For some reason I knew that I wouldn't have any bad dreams that night.


	7. Day 8 and Stella has 2 scares

Hello all, I hope you like the little tidbit of info on Stella's backstory. Don't worry, there's more. I've figured it all out but I don't want to give it to you all at once (just like on the show), because where would the fun in that be? It has sort of an air of Walt's creepiness in it, but I don't want it to get too supernatural. Just like JJ Abrams says "Everything on the show has a grounding in science." So, I'm still waiting for those character suggestions for who Stella needs to talk to. So far…nothing. Oh and some events are going to be a little out of order, so just bear with me and don't think too hard on it. OK? Good. And a little side note: When last I spoke with Javier (known as the fabulous Javi) Grillo-Marxuach(an exec-producer on LOST), he offered up very little info for Charlie/Claire fans. Soooo… I send you forth to ask Javi to give up some C/C spoilers! WHAT'S SHE GONNA NAME THE BABY! I'm hoping against hope for Charlie Jr…..

DAY 8

Someone died today. It was early in the afternoon, and I was helping Kate and Claire sort out the clothes, when Charlie starts yelling and waving his arms. My heart stopped for a moment when I thought that perhaps a rescue boat or plane might be arriving, but then I heard him yelling about someone drowning out in ocean. Jack immediately jumps into the water and I rushed to Charlie's side.

"Charlie! What happened?" I asked him, my eyes scanning the horizon for a glimpse whoever was in danger.

"There was a girl out in the water, and the tide came in…Boone went in after her…" he trailed off. I had to search my brain for who Boone was, then finally realized he was Shannon's brother…lucky him. I didn't know who the girl was, but I saw her blonde head and arms waving desperately out in the surf. I saw Jack swimming out to her, but he stopped and instead grabbed Boone.

"I though Boone was a lifeguard?" I said, remembering a conversation I overheard.

"I guess he wasn't a good one." I squinted hard and watched as Jack swam back with Boone, obviously struggling more than just physically. He reached the shore and Charlie and some others ran to help him. Boone started yelling at Jack, which I didn't really understand, I mean, Jack just saved his life. I only heard snippits of it, mostly it was things like "I could have made it back on my own, why didn't you save her?" It was then that I looked out to find the girl in the ocean and she was gone. Jack realized it to, and the conversation pretty much ended there. How awful. To survive a violent plane crash only to drown in the sea. I don't even know her name, and I don't have the heart to ask anyone. Even Shannon looked a little stunned. I'd seen her talking with another blond a few days ago, so it might have been her. Everyone was in shock. Even those who'd never seen her mourned her death. She was one of us.

Later on that day (I swear I was _this close_ to having a heart attack), I was walking back from getting a mango when I heard more commotion. I squinted my eyes and started down the beach…where my heart almost stopped. I watched Charlie carrying a motionless Claire down the beach. I ran faster than I ever have, the day's previous events (mainly the death) running over and through all my thoughts.

"Charlie!" I screamed as I got near enough, "What happened? Is she okay? Is she alive?" They laid her down in Jack's tent and Charlie turned to me.

"She's ok. She just fainted on the beach." I ran into the tent but Jack pushed me back a little.

"She'll be fine, Stella. She just needs to stay out of the sun for a bit. I'm gonna need you to give her some room." I nodded and stepped out of the tent.

"She's gonna be ok. I think…you know her being pregnant and all, heat isn't exactly something she needs an excess of. And this place definitely has an excess." Charlie said to me as I was walking away from the tent.

"Yeah. I just worry about her here. She's looks after me, and I want to do the same for her. I've never really had someone to look after." Charlie smiled.

"Jack'll take care of her. Certainly knows more than I do about the effect of sun on pregnant women." I laughed.

"I'm sure. You feel like maybe taking a walk…you know, let Jack do his thing without our meddling?"

"Absolutely. I'd love to." We started out down the beach, wading in the water a bit when the tide came in. Charlie told me about touring Finland and I explained that I'd lived in L.A. since I was five, and had my first drink at eleven. It was hard to tell at some points whether Charlie was impressed or shocked. He seemed so un-rock star-ish. He obviously loved the band and the music, but they way he spoke about it made it seem like all the craziness that went on backstage was just something he witnessed, like an innocent bystander.

The afternoon dwindled away, and Charlie and I had finished our walk with time enough for Charlie to have a nice chat with Claire, who had thankfully woken up. I watched from a distance as they smiled at each other, and while I felt the smallest pangs of jealousy, I also felt a strong happiness in the two of them. Whether of not they evolved into more than friends didn't matter…the two of them were perfect together. The only thing wrong now was that someone had stolen the last of our water, which might not seem like a big thing, except that it hadn't really rained yet during our time here, and it's not like we can drink ocean water! Charlie was really pissed about it, he'd wanted to get Claire some and discovered the empty cooler. I almost had a fit myself with no water to take my medication with. Charlie noticed my expression and assured me that we'd find it. But having no water was the last thing we needed. People were already freaking out about the girl who died and the few that saw Claire being carried into the tent are now scared of heat stroke. Will this island please give us a fucking break! It's like this place doesn't want us to relax. We're supposed to be up on our toes all the time. I think Jack might be losing it because I saw him race off into the jungle like he was chasing someone…but no one was there! Maybe he just really needed to use the jungloo (Claire and my name for squatting on a rock, because squatting on a rock doesn't sound very eloquent) or something, but he really looked like he was on his last thread. People are starting to fight more too. I heard a lot of commotion going on around Sayid and that Asian guy. But that wasn't even the worst of it. I came back to camp that night after getting some papayas…and Charlie was fighting with Boone! It wasn't like full-out street Jujitsu or anything, but Charlie was obviously VERY angry.

"Kate!" I yelled, noticing her on the outskirts of the fight, trying with Jack and some others to break them up. "What the hell happened?"

"Charlie found Boone with some empty water bottles and he just snapped. He thinks Boone stole the water."

"Did he?" I asked. It seemed to me that while a simple back-hand slap would have done the trick (as far as whopping a thief goes), catching someone with the missing bottles in his possession sort of seals the conviction.

"Maybe." Kate said, but with a certain amount of second-guessing. She seemed to be a little frightened of putting a "guilty" title on anyone for some reason.

The fight calmed down, and Charlie shrugged off the whole thing and walked away. I was about to follow him, but something stopped me and decided to let him have his moment. He wanted the water for Claire and I, and suddenly I felt safer on this island. I had people looking after me.


	8. Day 9 and a big move

Hey readers! Sorry for the wait, but the real LOST has been taking so much energy from me. FLIPPING AMAZING, eh? And of course, I'm getting worried about the future of Charlie, Claire, and the baby. And of course, still waiting for that first kiss…..Enjoy

Day 9

Have we really been here for nine days? I realized it this morning and it took me the longest time to come to terms with this fact. I also realized that the painful sunburn I had for the first couple of days had turned into a deep tan…we really have been here for a while.

This morning I was down by the water, trying my hardest to fish with a long piece of floss I'd swiped from Sawyer's tent. I even found a safety pin in my toiletries bag (I think I was planning on putting another hole in my ear) and tied the end of the floss around the catch of the pin. Well, either I was the suckiest fisher ever or the fish didn't want boar that early in the day, because I caught absolutely nothing. But just before I was about to give up that Asian guy came hurtling toward me. Well, at least I thought he was coming to me, but instead he threw himself upon the guy behind me (I found out later his name's Michael, and that little boy is his son, Walt). I mean, that guy coined the phrase "Ima jump him!", because he completely landed on poor Michael. The two were really going at it, Mr. Asian on the offense, and Michael trying to keep himself from getting massacred. Then Mr. Asian's wife came up to the fight, along with Walt, and the two started yelling at the two to stop. Finally, when they were rolling in the water, Sawyer grabbed one and Sayid the other, and broke it up. The worst part was that since they couldn't understand him, no one knows why the hell he freaked out like that! But it gets even better (though that's maybe not the right word). I was on my way into the jungle to grab some leaves (you don't really need to know the purpose, do you?) and I ran into Charlie. But it wasn't that I ran into him…I ran into him doing something (and no, it's not _that_ kind of thing), and that something was not what I expected. I stood behind a tree and watched (without him seeing me) as he reached inside his shoe and took out a small baggie. Now I've seen my share of the little baggies, but this one was heroin. And to my surprise he got a bit on his fingers and rubbed it into my gums. That cosmic heroin joy face took over his normally mellow features and he sunk into the jungle floor. Now I'm not an addiction expert, and I know there was probably a better way for me to approach him, but the only thing I could think of was to just step out from the trees.

"Um, Charlie?" I said, slowly coming out from behind my tree.

"Stella! I..uh.." he furiously tried to hide the drugs, but quickly realized there was no way to get out of this. "Surprise!" he said sitting down on a nearby rock and setting his head in his hands. "I'm a junkie. I'm Charlie Pace, former rock star, and current heroin addict. Sort of fits the stereotype right?"

I shrugged. "It's ok, Charlie. I told you were I was from. But…what are you gonna do when you run out? I mean, this island has some surprising plant life, but I doubt you'll be able to replenish your stash."

"I don't know. I have no bloody idea. I want to quit, so I guess that being on this island is a good thing, but I've heard horror stories from people who tried to give up heroin. And frankly I'm…scared. It's bad enough being here without having to figure out whether your feet just turned into hamburgers or whether it was the withdrawal."

I nodded. I'd never done heroin personally, but I'd certainly tried a few others like ecstasy, and after a few hits giving up that feeling was hard, especially when your body felt like it was about to tear in two.

"Well, I'm here if you need me. I mean, I don't know what I could do, but if you just need someone to tell you your feet are still feet, I'd be glad to do so."

"Thanks Stella. I'll remember that."

We got up and I walked with Charlie out to the beach where Claire was waiting for me and Jack for Charlie.

"Stella!" Jack called as we got close. "Let me take a look at your wrist, see if it's cleared up." I held out my arm and Jack untied the bandage which I'd completely forgotten was even still there. The cut was healed, and all that remained was a thin scar in a sort of star-like shape.

"Looks good." Jack said. Kate then walked up to us, backpack in her hands and about 5 drops of water in a bottle.

"Planning on having a camp-out?" I asked with a smile.

"Isn't that what we do every night?" She replied.

"We're just going on a little trek in the woods, to kind of scope the area out." Jack told me. I nodded and Charlie stepped forward.

"I'll come. I need to get my mind off things for a bit, so what better than playing at boy scouts?" He turned at looked at me with a 'please don't tell anyone" kind of look. I nodded and smiled.

"Have fun." I called out as they walked away, Kate and Charlie turning around to wave back at me. I walked over to where Claire was leaning on a tree.

"Hey." She smiled when she saw me.

"What are you looking at?" I asked her, noticing her staring out into the sea.

"I don't know. I'm just trying to understand why no one has come yet. You'd think that by now…". She drifted off, glancing down at her stomach and resting a hand on the highest point.

"But we're doing ok, right? I mean, I'm not suggesting we put up a hotel and stay forever, but it could be a lot worse. We have food, boring as it gets at times, shelter, what we need. And you're doing alright, right? Everything's feeling good, baby still kicking and all?"

"Yeah. Except for fear of the possibility of having a baby in a jungle, I'm good. Very healthy." She answered, although I noticed a hint of a lie in her voice. I threaded my arm through hers and lead her down the beach.

Later that day, Charlie, Kate, and Jack returned from their excursion and gathered everyone around.

"Everyone, we found some caves, in the jungle. They're not too far from the beach, and there's a fresh water supply right there. After we get someone to make sure the foundation is strong, I suggest we move there." Jack told us, standing on a piece of the plane and addressing us like a presidential candidate. The crowd began to talk, turning to each other and sorting out the pros and cons. The idea sounded good to me, a safe place to sleep and fresh water right by my side all the time. And as much as sleeping on the warm, soft sand was comfortable, I'm sure I could find some pond fronds or something. I turned to Claire who was standing beside me. She looked a bit frightened and turned away from the crowd. Jack stepped down and starting answering questions from the throng of people.

"Claire!" I yelled after her. She sat down and turned back to smile at me.

"It sounds good, right? Safe. Don't you think?"

"Stella. I _don't_ think it's safe. That thing is out there, in the jungle. Why would we want to get closer to it?"

"But, it seems so perfect. I mean, we've been lucky enough to never have rain at night, but it'll come one day, and when it does, wouldn't it be wonderful to have shelter at that time?" I asked. Claire shook her head.

"I'm not doing it, Stella. I've gotten used to being here. You're free to move, but I'm staying. I'll be fine on my own." I nodded. I felt a bit worried at leaving Claire alone in her state, but then I reminded myself that she was a big girl who was able to take care of herself. So I got up, packed my things and followed Charlie and Kate into the jungle…


	9. Day 10 and the cavein

Hello readers. Just a reminder to all that I am not trying to make this a Mary-Sue. Stella and Charlie will NOT be getting together. I love Charlie and Claire together too much for that. But Stella does have a slight crush, which will never amount to anything. Right now the two share a very close friendship…all it will ever be. So don't worry or get your hopes up!

Day 10

Now that all of my stuff is moved to the caves (not that I had that much shit to begin with), I have nowhere to go. Jack won't let us actually go into the caves because he says he's not sure if they're safe, but Michael is a construction worker (hopefully not one of the many who once whistled at me and got lewd remarks or gestures in return) and Jack thinks he should be the one to give us the thumbs up for safety. Today I decided to walk down the beach for a ways, but Kate saw me and called me back.

"Stella! I don't think it's safe to go this far away from camp."

"Kate. I'm 17. I walk miles on beaches all the time. I'll be ok." I then turned to leave but Kate put her hand on my shoulder.

"I just don't think that we should go tramping off before we know what the rest of this island is like."

"You sound like Jack. You know, I've noticed you two….well, if no one has seen the whole island, someone has to see it first.."

"But I don't think it should be you. I'm not saying you lack knowledge or ability, just maybe some skills, or a bit more muscle…couldn't hurt, right?" I sighed. She had me there. Years driving around L.A. instead of walking did not equal muscles. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm strong, but just don't compare me to Kate.

I turned around and headed back, dragging my feet a bit and kicking up sand. When I reached the camp I went to find Claire, but found her asleep, so after pulling the airplane blanket up over her shoulders I left to find other entertainment. It was at that moment that a group of people near the path to the beach began to make a lot of noise. I went over to find out what was going on and Dave (a slightly hot man, but too old for me) called my name.

"Stella. There was a cave-in at the beach…"

"What? Who was in it? Is everyone okay?"

"Jack and Charlie, but…"

"Charlie! Oh my god! Is he alright?" I had a moment of extreme panic when I began to think about Charlie buried under a ton of earth, his missing guitar never to be found, "Is he alive?" I choked out, trying to fight back the tears.

"He's fine." Dave said. I breathed in for the first time in a while. "But Jack's still in there." I didn't wait for the rest of the story. I ran as fast as my legs could take me to the caves. The first person I saw was Charlie, covered from head to foot in dirt and looking a little out of place.

"Charlie! You're alive!" I yelled, running over to give him a big hug, not caring about getting the dirt on my white wife beater.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But Jack didn't get out…" He trailed off. I ran over to the cave opening, which was now filled with rubble. I turned to check on Charlie but he was gone. No one else seemed to notice his absence so I shrugged, figuring he'd gone to the beach to get some fresh air or something. I entered into the assembly line at the end.

"Okay, we can't safely make that tunnel any bigger, but since Jack can't get out, one of us is going to have to go in and unpin him." Michael said at the front of the line. Kate had stood up and was looking exhausted, but was trying not to show it. Just then I heard Charlie behind me.

"I'll do it." I looked down at my shoes. What happens if he gets trapped and then we have two broken people inside a broken cave? Perfect.

"Charlie, are you sure?" I asked him. Michael stood next to me.

"Look, you're still too shook up. I might be able to squeeze through. . ."

"Hey, who's going to take care of your son if something happens? She's got a husband, he' got a sister. I'm alone here, no one on the island. Let me do this." Charlie answered, his voice full of a determination I'd never heard from him before. I smiled, feeling a hint of pride for him. Charlie was becoming a hero. Michael sighed.

"Alright, man. If you think…"

"Yeah," Charlie cut him off, "I'm sure."

"Listen, man, go slow. Try not to nudge any of the rocks around you." Michael told Charlie, who was kneeling at the base of the hole that had been dug. I sat on a large rock a few feet from the hole and watched the scene play out.

"Anything else?" Charlie asked, already sticking one hand inside the hole.

"Yeah," Michael added, "good luck." Charlie nodded and looked at me. I smiled at him and gave him and encouraging nod, and then he started inside. We all waited patiently outside the hole for what seemed like hours when suddenly the cave wall began to shift. Rocks began to fall down from the rest of the pile. I stood up off the rock and backed away from the falling rocks.

"Charlie! Charlie, move! Charlie?" Michael yelled. The pile shifted again and then stopped. I tried once again to push out the Charlie-buried-under-rock picture out of my head, trying to believe that he was already safe inside the cave when not only would there be a little nook to rest but a supply of Red Bull and Advil placed gently on an untouched silk blanket. God, I need to stop my mind from wandering.

A few minutes passed, and Hurley and Michael began to talk about air running out and the like, but Kate running in differed everyone else's thoughts.

"Where is he? Where's Jack? Does anyone know if he's alive? Is he alive?" I shrugged despite myself and Kate ran to the pile of debris.

"Charlie went in after him." I called after her.

"But it collapsed again." Michael added. Kate stared at us like we were criminals.

"Why is nobody digging?" She cried, running forward and kneeling in front of the pile and pulling rocks away. We all ran to help her and reformed the assembly line with added momentum. I was in the middle of lifting a heavy boulder when I heard a high pitched noise coming from somewhere out in the jungle. I looked around to see if anyone else had heard it, but everyone was continuing their work as if nothing had happened, so I shook it off, trying to tell myself it was only my imagination.

We went on like this for maybe and hour before Michael began to yell at Kate to stop. She had been going non-stop for way too long, and I began to realize that maybe there was a reason she hadn't responded to my little side note about Jack and her this morning. But Kate refused to stop and began to dig even harder. I was beginning to worry. Michael had said they were losing air quick and that had been more than an hour ago. What if it was too late?

"Dude, they're probably fine. Peachy." Hurley said to me, obviously noting the worried look on my face.

"Oh yeah. Of course." I nodded, bringing myself back to the task at hand, which became utterly useless once I heard Walt shout "Hey! It's the doctor!". Everyone spinned around and watched as Jack and Charlie walked into the clearing behind us. Kate immediately ran to throw her arms around Jack and I couldn't help but do the same to Charlie. I was so relieved to see his face. With Charlie and Claire I had a place on this fucking island, and I knew that Claire needed Charlie, although she wouldn't have admitted it yet.

"How the hell did you get out?" I yelled, throwing my arms down.

"Charlie. Charlie got us out." Jack answered for him. Charlie immediately beamed with pride.

"It was nothing. Just some carefully placed digging and we were out. Might need to patch up that hole if we plan on living here, huh?" I laughed. Leave it to Charlie to respond like that. Brilliant.

"I don't think we'll be offering that cave for prospective cave-dwellers." Jack answered, cradling his obviously hurt arm. Kate led Jack back to the beach and I grabbed Charlie a water bottle.

"Thank you, Stella." he said as we were walking on the path back to the beach.

"No problem." I smiled at him. Claire met us halfway down the path, looking very confused.

"Did I miss something? I didn't mean to sleep so long."

"Our Charlie's a hero." I answered.


	10. Day 11 and whispers

OK, to all of you who waited through my summer hiatus… THANK YOU! It was not intentional (I wasn't trying to make my story more LOST-like by copying every break!) and now that I have my school laptop I plan on catching up with season two, which might take a while, so please keep with me! I love you all, and I hope that you'll keep reading and enjoying Stella's story!

Day 11

Last night, I slept in a cave. It was surprisingly not musty, but it will still take some time to get used too. I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, the memory of the dream still in my head…feet on wooden floor, cold steel in my hands, then screaming. It was the most common dream I've had, the most horrible thing about it being that it wasn't a dream. When I finally calmed my nerves I got up and walked outside. And then came the moment where I either became a hopeless romantic or a nature nut…I saw the stars. All the hundred thousand that seemed to be shining up there. All the other nights I'd woken up it had been early morning, but this was the dead of night, probably two or three o'clock. I sat on my rock for a few minutes, straining my neck from staring up. Finally, I walked back to my bed, accidentally nudging Charlie's foot. He immediately stirred and mumbled something that sounded like "Bless me father…sinned…mumble….mumble.." I laughed and whispered for him to go back to sleep, it was just me, and went back to my bed after I'd heard his breathing become shallow. He'd looked like shit last night. So either the heroine withdrawal or the cave dust was getting to him. I heard Jack tell Hurley he had the flu, so I guess Jack knows about the drugs. I sat with him for awhile, telling him some rambling story about a time I went to a new club and ending up sleeping in my car in nothing but a feather boa and hot pants (it was a disco theme club, that's not my normal party-wear), but Charlie just seemed to nod and sweat, so I got him a wet cloth and handed it to him. He thanked me and made a move to put the cloth on his forehead, but I stopped him, taking the cloth and wrapping it around his neck instead, it was a trick I'd picked up in L.A. He looked at me, not getting what I was doing.

"I had a friend once…" I told him. He looked at me for a moment, then, understanding my statement, declared he was going to "bloody bed", said goodnight and walked off.

The next morning we all woke up after our first night in our new home. A banquet-like display of boar and fruit and fish was laid out on a shined up piece of plane. I laughed to myself; we were really making this like a house-warming party. I got an idea and ran into the jungle for a moment to pick a bunch of white flowers from the ground. When I got back to the caves, Charlie, Hurley, and Jack were up and eating from the feast. I walked up to Charlie and presented him with the flowers.

"On your house-warming." He smiled and took the flowers, faking a girlish grin and patting the rock next to him, which had been moved to form a table-like formation off to the side of the clearing. Most of the rocks from the cave-in yesterday had been moved, but some splintered piece of rock still lay scattered about. I sat down and helped myself to a papaya that looked ripe enough.

"Feeling better?" I asked Charlie after we'd finished eating and were packing up our day bags (water, a cloth with some boar meat in it, and for me my journal and pen.

"Yeah. Much better. Not completely better, I mean…"

"Charlie, you can tell m-"

"I want some bloody heroine." I smiled. I'd watched from a distance Charlie throwing his bag of drugs into the fire last night, and I was glad that he was able to do it himself. It was important for it to be his decision.

"I'm gonna go bring Claire some water." Charlie replied.

"I'll be there in a bit." I answered him. I needed to go to the jungloo and I'd found the perfect spot yesterday; behind a tree and away from the caves.

"Ok." Charlie said, starting on the path. He turned around before he disappeared around the bend and looked back at me. "Thanks for looking after me last night." I grinned.

"Apparently that's my job!" I called back and watched as he walked away. It made me happy to think that the first thing he had on his to do list was visit Claire. I'm sure it came right after "get off drugs".

I waited a bit before heading down the path to give them some time alone. Not that I was pressing the whole thing….Anyway, when I got there I found the two talking by the water. Claire was sitting in her usual spot on one of the plane seats, Charlie beside her.

"Hey!" She cried as she saw me, "How was your first night?"

"Fine." I answered, then remembered I was trying to get her to move to the caves. "Actually, it was fantastic! Really comfy and warm. I positively loved it." Charlie laughed.

"Stop trying to get me to move. Charlie already covered that this morning." Claire answered.

"I just think you'd be happier there."

"I'm happy here. I'm smiling aren't I?" Claire insisted. "So it really was okay? Not too many bugs or…dew or something."

I laughed. "No, it was fine. Really. I'm not saying I want to put up a hotel or anything, but for now, it's fine."

We sat and watched the waves for a bit, but I was getting tired of the constant sand flea attacks, so I left them to seek refuge in the jungle. On the way, I saw Boone coming down the path, a fresh and peroxide treated scrape glaring at me from his forehead.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, not even bothering to introduce myself, though I figured he probably didn't know my name. I'd only heard his screamed by his lovely sister.

"Nothing." He answered. "Just a scrape." I nodded and started down the path again, but I heard him talking to me.

"Stella, right?" he asked. I smiled. Maybe I should take pity on him sue to the state of his head…and sister.

"Yeah. Stella. And you're Boone." I answered. He nodded.

"Later." I turned around and head towards the caves, where Jack was already on to the next patient, the Middle-Eastern man, who looked to have something wrong with the back of his head.

"Jack, is there anyway we can like, put up tarps or something to make things a little more private in our sleeping quarters?" I said, eying a pissed off looking man who was mopping his brow with a wet cloth about two feet from my pallet.

"You want to put up a curtain. Go ahead. You don't need my permission." I was taken aback. Did Jack just tell me to fuck off? I shrugged and began looking around for an unused tarp. As I was searching, I heard Jack tell the man he could leave. Sayid, that's his name. Fortunately I now seem to know most of the other survivors. It's so ridiculous that in my first day of high school all we did was play "get-to-know-you games", and we've been here over a week and no one thought about playing a simple game of "Hi, I'm Stella, and I'd be a snake, Hi I'm Jack and I'd be a jaguar".

With no tarp in sight I decided the find one was to go to the source for all things necessary but not there: Sawyer. I picked a papaya off the communal basket and head down towards his place (or crib, whatever). I heard raised voices about five feet from where the jungle stopped and sand began, so I edged forward noiselessly and listened to the conversation.

"Yours? What makes it yours? What, you think you can just take something out of a suitcase and that makes it yours?"

" Which I had to move because everybody just wants to help themselves. Look, I don't know what kind of commie share-fest you're running over in cave town, but down here possession's 9/10ths. And a man's got a right to protect his property."

"Get up."

"Why, you want to see who's taller?"

"Get up."

"You sure you want to make this your problem, doc?"

"Oh yeah. I'm sure."

From the way they were yelling it sounded like Jack was having a problem with Sawyer, which while it wasn't anything new, seemed to be a tad bit more violent than the agitated conversations I'd heard before. Just then Kate appeared beside me, and after the initial shock and then relief at realizing it wasn't the thing rumbling in the jungle, I pointed through the trees and held a fingers up to my lips. Kate furrowed her brows and then stepped thorough the trees.

"Hey, what's going on here?" I followed her and stood beside her with my hands on her hips, trying to put on my best look of disapproval.

"Nothing. Just working something out." Jack answered. I scoffed and shook my head.

"So if you and L.A. over there wanna leave, that'd be fine." Sawyer said, indicating me.

"Fine." I answered. I had a deal to offer you, but I guess if you're not in the business today…"

"Does it look like Doc Jack is gonna let me run off and make a profit right now?" He sounded angry, so I shrugged and turned back into the jungle.

"How much did you hear?" I heard behind me. I spun around and came face to face with Kate, who looked worried.

"Not much before you came. Jack wanted something and it didn't look like Sawyer had it. Or wanted to part with it." I answered. Kate nodded. We walked back together towards the caves, but I had a craving (hard to believe since they're all I've been eating) for a guava, so I waved to Kate and headed off into the jungle by myself. I know, lovely how that sounds, eh? I actually enjoyed the quiet of being out there alone. I could hear distant birds, and the breeze made the trees rustle a bit, but the air was cool and I was able to relax for the first time in days. Then, just as I has found a ripe looking guava hanging above my head, I began to hear things. Something behind me stirred and it was if I was back in the halls of my school and all my fellow classmates were whispering about me. I spun around, trying to find the source of the disturbance, but there was nothing I could see. The whispers seemed to grow stronger and angrier, and I was snapping my head around frantically, my feet rooted to the ground though part of me wanted to run. Then, everything swarmed before my eyes and the dizziness overtook me. As I was falling, a quick vision of my father floated in my head, and then darkness took me.

"Stella. Stella. Come on, wake up Stella." I opened my eyes slowly to find Jack staring down at me, Kate behind him. "What happened? Kate said you went to find some fruit and didn't come back."

"I…I heard something. Like whispers or something. In the jungle."

"Whispers?" Kate echoed. I nodded slowly.

"I'm probably just hearing things, I'm a little tired."

"Do you feel ok?" Jack asked, touching my neck gently and looking at all sides of my head.

"Yeah I feel fine. No big deal. I just fainted, that's all. I'm fine." Jack nodded and offered me and arm which I took and slowly stood up. Jack turned to me and suddenly got very serious.

"You shouldn't wander off. Not by yourself, at least."

"I'm ok Jack. I can take care of myself. I'm 17 and I've been alone in far worse situations than this."

"You're still the youngest here –"

"I am not! Walt is like 8!"

"You're the youngest here without a family. Walt has Michael to look after him but you have no one."

"So you want to look after me, is that it? You want to babysit me? Well no thanks, Jack. I'm sure you have much more important things to do than watch me. Isn't there someone who needs a band-aid or a splint or something?" I stormed off. I could hear Jack calling after me and Kate telling him to let me be or something alone those lines but I wasn't about to stop until I hit sand. How dare he think that I'm helpless! If I'm old enough to lie in court I'm old enough to take care of myself. Whispers or not…

I went off to find Charlie and Claire, and found Charlie shaking Claire's hand and then heading off alone. He grinned at me as he passed and leaned in;

"Claire's moving to the caves." I opened my mouth to speak but he held a finger to his lips and walked off.

"What was that about? Charlie says you're moving to the caves." I asked as I got near enough to Claire.

"He's so sure he'll succeed. I'm not packing yet. He said he'd get me peanut butter, and if he does I said I'll move to the caves."

"He looked pretty determined. If I were you I'd be picturing myself surrounding by rock and a fresh water stream…"

"Oh stop. Where is he going to find peanut butter on an island? Even if someone packed it, it would have melted or exploded or something. So I will enjoy my time here on the beach." I laughed, trying to bring up my mood again.

"Alright, if you say so." Then I looked down at the sand. "Claire, have you ever heard whispers in the jungle? You know, when you're out there. Have you ever heard…anything?"

"No. Why? Did you hear something? That thing that we heard the first night?"

"No, nothing like that. I was imagining it, it's nothing." We sat in silence, and I realized that Claire had fallen asleep. I put my head down and curled up and soon I dozed off myself.

I don't know how long I was asleep, but it couldn't have been long. All I know is that when I woke up I was reaching out towards Claire's neck…reaching out like I wanted to strangle her. She woke before I could sit back she woke and quickly moved away, looking at me with wide, confused eyes.

"Stella? What are you doing?" I pulled my hands away and looked down at them.

"I must have been dreaming…I'm sorry…I didn't actually want to hurt you, Claire. You know I wouldn't do anything…don't you?"

"Yeah…I just…It must have been some dream. A nightmare?" I nodded, though I didn't remember dreaming anything scary.

"I'll leave. You can go back to sleep. I need to go…to the caves to get something."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, continue on with the nap, you need it." She smiled and sat back down, but didn't close her eyes until I began to walk away. I hugged my arms to my chest and hurried to the caves. I couldn't understand why this was happening again. I'd been fine for so long and now I was slipping back to the dark place I was in two years ago. Eventually I shrugged it off and headed back to the beach with fruit in hand; a peace offering for Claire. But I stopped as the beach came into view. Charlie was pulling Claire's clothes off the line, and pulling a jar from his bag….


	11. Day 12 and Claire

Hello again readers! Sorry for the long break, but this is a hella long chappie. I hope you enjoy. Oh and by the way…SPOILER WARNING FOR NEXT LINE!….

Apparently they are adding a new character to the cast, and she's a teenager! I used to own the only teen on the island, but now…NO! Get ready to say hello to Jessica, 16. Oh lord.

Days 12, 13, and 14

I'm beginning to be afraid. What will I do if the dreams come back? How am I going to be here on the island, putting these people's lives in danger, when we've already gone through an experience that should have killed us? I don't even know if I can be near Claire anymore. Or Charlie…I couldn't live with myself if I tried to hurt them, they're becoming my support system, and I'm becoming theirs. I don't know what I'll do.

On a happier note, Claire moved to the caves. It seemed that Charlie brought her some imaginary peanut butter and it won her over. I would have thrown the jar back at him and told him to get me something real, but I am a bit of a cynic. And it got her off of the beach and into the caves, where I think we can all agree she's a lot safer. I mean, the cave is full of people. What could happen to her here?

I think she's moved past my sleepwalking incident from yesterday. Or at least she's putting on a brave face whenever I'm around.

"Hey Claire?"

"Yeah."

"Are you and Charlie gonna get married?" I asked her this when she was digging into a hot piece of boar meat. She got this look on her face and practically spit out the food, which would have been really gross and a total loss of good boar meat. Wait, oxymoron. There is no good boar meat.

"What are you talking about? Married?" I smiled and twirled a piece of blanket around my finger.

"It's just that you two are becoming very close companions, and you know what they say; first comes imaginary peanut butter, then comes marriage. Then comes baby in a bamboo carriage." Claire moved her hand over her stomach, obviously contemplating still being on the island when it comes time to wheel her baby around in a carriage.

"First of all, you are getting to be close companions with Charlie too. And I know you aren't making any wedding plans. Second of all, I'm pregnant, Stella! Charlie is just looking out for me, same as you are. We're friends and that's it. Promise." I smiled.

"Fine, if you say so. But you have to admit…he does care about you."

"Caring is one thing. Love is another." I smiled. Even if the wasn't love there yet, there was the promise of it being there one day. I may not have ever felt it myself, but I'd seen it, and heard others praise it.

I helped Claire set up her makeshift bed, which was just down a ways from mine, under a small overhanging. I was just showing her how to layer palm fronds when Jack walked up.

"Stella. Can I have a word?" I glared up at him, not exactly thrilled with the prospect of sharing a moment with my wannabe babysitter, but I obliged him and he ushered me over to an empty corner of the caves.

"I just wanted to make sure that you're okay, and I don't want you to think that I'm trying to watch your every move. But this place is different than where we all come from. And I don't think that any of us have any idea about what's really going on here." I nodded and assured him that I was fine, but I wanted to tell him that he had no idea here I was from. No one did here.

Night came soon enough and Claire settled down into sleep. I waited up for awhile to make sure she was ok in her new surroundings before I sat down in my own pallet and curled up into a comfortable position. I was about to drift off into sleep when I heard a rustling coming from somewhere nearby in the trees. I stared out into darkness but saw nothing. I noticed that Boone was also awake.

"Hey, did you hear that?" I whispered.

"Yeah, it sounded like it was coming from over there." Boone quietly got up and walked to the edge of the trees.

"Be careful." I said. "We don't know what's out there. It could be that…thing." Boone smiled. He peered out and pulled the branches back, searching for the source of the noise. After a while he shrugged and stepped away from the jungle.

"Probably just a bird or something." He responded when I looked at him.

"Right. A bird. Or a squirrel or something."

"I doubt they have squirrels here. Not really tropical things, are they?"

"They are if they wear Hawaiian shirts." Boone laughed. I smiled and then realized I was flirting with him. Damn it. The last thing I need is a boyfriend on this place. Boyfriends only complicate things.

"Well. Goodnight." I said quickly and settled back down in my bed. I heard Boone go back to his, and soon all was quiet again.

It felt like I'd only been asleep for seconds when I heard a scream the likes of I'd never heard before except coming from my own throat. I shot out of bed to see Charlie trying to calm down a terrified Claire. She was thrashing and pushing Charlie away and a fierce scream was tearing from her small frame. I immediately ran over and put my hand on Claire's back.

"What the hell happened?" I asked Charlie, who looked about as shocked as I was. I noticed Jack running over just as Claire calmed down. It was then that Charlie stared down at her hands in terror. Her palms were covered in blood.

"Claire! What happened?" I asked her in what I hoped was a soothing voice, but I'm sure was more desperate than I intended. Her sobs slowed and she slowly sat down on a rock, with Charlie, Jack and I grouped around her. All of the other cave dwellers had woken up and were watching from their respective beds. Claire looked up at me and then down at her hands.

"I had a dream. I was in the jungle and…" Her voice faded off as she stared at her hands. I looked up at Jack, who was already motioning for her to stand up. He brought her over to our makeshift medical center and began to bandage her hand while talking to her in a hushed voice. Charlie and I sat down on the ground and tried to make sense of the recent events.

"What do you think happened?" He asked me. I shook my head, even though her story sounded similar to what I went through that horrible year. I hoped that nightmares weren't contagious, but you never know when it comes to me.

"She probably just had a really vivid nightmare. And here, in the jungle…after all we've been through…her dream was probably just magnified. I would have screamed too."

"But she clenched her fists so hard her fingernails broke her skin! That's the worst nightmare I've ever heard of."

"Apparently you've never had a truly bad one then." I answered him, digging my foot into the ground. Claire then walked up behind us, and Charlie and I spun around, desperate to hear she was okay.

"Claire! Are you ok?" Charlie asked, standing up and taking her arm to steady her.

"I'm fine. Jack fixed me up. It was just a bad dream. You know, first night in a new place."

"Right. Bad dream. Hate those, used to get them all the time." Charlie responded. Claire smiled and said she was going back to bed, and Charlie and I left to go back to our own.

The next morning Claire looked so small. Like she was pulling away from everyone else. I brought her a piece of boar meat in late morning, but she declined, saying she wasn't hungry.

"Are you sure you're ok? It's just that you seem so shook up." I asked her she stared out into the ocean as she waited for her clothes to dry.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired." She answered quickly. I patted her arm and watched her walk away, then walked back to the caves where Charlie was making some tea.

"Want some? I was gonna bring some to Claire. You're welcome to join us." He offered. I shook my head.

"No thanks. I could use something a little stronger, but I doubt Sawyer is willing to part with it." Charlie smiled.

"No. He certainly doesn't seem like the sharing sort. I wager you could sneak some out of one of his bags though."

"I wouldn't run the risk. Well, enjoy your tea. And don't be surprised if she doesn't perk up. She has a definite lack of cheer today. Understandable."

"She just might. You don't understand how much we British sorts like our tea." I laughed and began making my bed, and when a sudden wave of exhaustion crept over me, I laid down and went to sleep.

Hours later I woke to the sounds of Locke bringing in a new boar and others with full sacks of fruit for the daily dinner buffet. I rubbed my eyes and noticed Charlie sitting by himself in his corner, fooling with a teacup as he stared blankly ahead.

"Smile Charlie! I know we're out of tea now but I'm sure you can add some fruit juice to some hot water and it would taste almost the same!" Charlie smiled up at me.

"It's not the tea. It's Claire. I'm worried about her here and she won't accept my help."

"You know how girls are. We never want help until the very last minute and then we cry if we don't get it. She'll come around. Just give her a few days and then she'll be bubbly yet gentle Claire again. You'll see." I sat down next to Charlie and laid my head on his shoulder. He in turn casually put his arm around me and began humming some tune under his breath.

"What's that?" I asked him, listening to the slow, steady melody.

"Nothing, just something I've had stuck in my head for a while. I tried to play it on my guitar the other day, but I couldn't make it work." The tune sounded familiar to me, but I couldn't quite place it. It was like something I'd heard in a dream.

"Listen. I know you really are worried about Claire, but she'll get through it alright. And even if she doesn't think she needs you know she will in the end. And don't forget…I appreciate you." Charlie smiled and hugged me closer.

"You've changed quite a bit. I remember the loner, hardcore Stella I first knew here. And know look at you; appreciating little old me." I playfully socked Charlie in the arm and got up to grab some meat. Claire wandered into the caves, still looking a bit dazed. I took her some food and begged her to eat, which she did a little. We spent the rest of the day filling out the rest of a crossword puzzle we'd found intact in the wreckage, which seemed to take her mind off her troubles. Eventually we lay in our beds talking about astrology, which Claire easily fell into a passionate conversation about, and I was happy to hear her talk about something she loved, even if I didn't believe it myself. She pointed out my zodiac signs constellation in the sky above us, and I fell asleep staring above me, trying to see the centaur racing across the night sky, taut bow in hand.

Before my dreams of running with a handsome male centaur got too good, a scream broke through my peaceful rest. I leaped out of me bed, praying that I wouldn't find Claire to be the one screaming, but it was. I ran over to her, forcing my way through the crowd of onlookers who gathered around her, whispering among themselves, some of them even yawning and obviously wishing they were back in bed, with nothing but silence to lull them to sleep.

"Claire! Claire!" I screamed, finally reaching the center of the crowd, where Charlie was grasping her wrists, trying with no avail to calm her down.

"Somebody attacked her!" Charlie pleaded to Jack and I, Claire sobs making us strain to hear anything above them.

"What?" Jack asked, the disbelief in his voice far more than obvious.

"He held me down!" Claire cried. I ran around behind her and placed me hand on her back, trying to add my own support. I heard someone behind us ask where he went, but Claire didn't know, and when Hurley came over to add his own questions, he and Charlie ran off into the surrounding caves and jungle, searching for the culprit.

"Come on. Let's sit down here, ok?" Jack motioned to a nearby rock, and I steadied her as we sat down. Jack turned to a man standing near us, whose name I think is Ethan, and asked for him to get some water.

"Claire, look at me. It's okay. You're safe now." Jack said softly to a trembling Claire. Michael appeared behind us.

"Did you get a look at him at all?" He asked hopefully.

"No. It was dark…I couldn't see." She answered. I moved my hand up and down her back.

"Where did this happen?" Jack asked. Claire choked back a sob and sat looked up at him with tears in her red eyes.

"Here. I, I was sleeping and woke up and he was…trying to hurt my baby. He had this thing…it was like… like a needle. He stabbed me with it." She lifted up her shirt and pointed to an area on her stomach. Jack looked but didn't seem to find anything, and her tone became more frantic. "He was trying to hurt my baby!" I pulled her close to me as she told the tale, and Jack's eyes darted around the caves, as if the answer was somewhere nearby.

"I'm gonna go find Charlie and Hurley…see if anything turned up. Stella, you stay with her, ok? Don't leave her. I'll be back soon." I nodded and watched as Jack grabbed a lighted torch and headed off in the direction Charlie and Hurley went. I kept my hand around Claire, and slowly rocked her until her sobs slowed and finally stopped.

"Are you gonna be ok?" I asked her slowly and calmly, and she looked up at me.

"Where were you sleeping before tonight?" She asked me in a wavering voice.

"Right next to you, like always." Then a thought entered my mind. "Claire…you don't think I did this, do you?" She inhaled and I noticed that she pulled back a little.

"Claire! I swear to you I did not do this!" Yet even as the words left my lips I questioned if they were really true. "I just had a really vivid nightmare that day on the beach, that's all. But tonight I was sleeping calmly, which never happens so it couldn't have been me! Please believe that I would never do anything to hurt you, Claire." She nodded, seemingly trying to believe my words. Meanwhile, the search group came back, and Charlie joined us with a blanket.

"Go back to sleep, Stella. I'll stay up with her." He whispered to me. I nodded, went over and squeezed Claire's shoulder, then went back to my bed. The last thing I remember that night was the sight of Charlie sweetly wrapping a blanket around Claire's shoulders, and her eyes staring blankly ahead.

"Don't worry, you want to close your eyes, I'll be here all night. I won't let anyone get to you. I won't leave you Claire. Promise."

The next day I went to the beach to wash up, and noticed Hurley walking around, talking to everyone and writing down what they said. I finished and walked over to him.

"Hey Stella. Glad I caught you."

"What are you doing Hurley?" I questioned him, trying to sneak a peek at his notepad, but he caught me and turned it toward himself.

"Census. After the little incident with Claire last night I figured we better take a little roll call, so we can know exactly who's here…who's related to who, you know, info."

"Right, well, what do you need to know?"

"Full name."

"Stella Rose Walsh."

"Nice. Stella Rose. I like it. Ok, place of birth?"

"LA."

"Seriously? That's my home town too. Never been out of California my whole life…before I decided it would be a good idea to go to Australia. Ok, reason for travel?"

"Just, getting away. You know, I needed to escape LA for a bit."

"Gotcha. Ok, last question; you're not here with anybody, right? You're…"

"Alone? Yep, it's just me."

"Really? You're like 17, right? Kinda young to be traveling on your own, isn't it?"

"First of all, I'm 18. And I've been on my own for awhile now. Is that it?" I asked, maybe a little too sharp. Hurley nodded and moved on to that creepy old guy Mr. Locke. I pulled my hair up and fixed it with an elastic, then noticed Jack, Kate, and Charlie walking on the beach. As I got near them Jack and Kate left, leaving Charlie staring after them.

"What?" I asked him, planting my feet in the warm sand.

"Nothing, Jack was just muttering something about Claire making everything up, that its all in her head because she pregnant. Ridiculous if you ask me, absolute bullocks. She was way too scared to be just simply hormonal." I nodded, staring out at the sea as I imagined another night with Claire screaming. It was impossible to think she could make it much longer if she kept having nights like she's been having. Even though I didn't know what it was, I knew something was really wrong. Charlie and I walked back to the caves, our silence the greatest sign of our concern.

As we entered the caves, the sound of arguing grew became apparent. Soon Claire came into view.

"Let go of me." She said defiantly as Jack reluctantly released his grip on her arm. She stormed past us, barely giving Charlie a chance to ask her if she was okay.

"What did you say to her!" He demanded, facing a very worried looking Jack. Jack shook his head and turned away from us. I moved to go after Claire but Charlie stopped me.

"No, you stay. I'll go. I'll bring her back Stella." I smiled up at Charlie and hugged him, feeling a great warmth and safety in his embrace. He squeezed me one last time then left after Claire. I went over to my pallet and lay down, staring up at the trees and the cave walls above me. A breeze had somehow found its way into the caves, and the easy coolness of it felt good on my face. I don't know how long I lay there, but soon Sayid came hobbling into the caves, looking like he'd been through the unimaginable.

"Sayid!" Jack called out, catching the attention of Sayid, who was frantically searching the caves for someone.

"Listen to me, I found her. The French woman." I got up off my bed and stood near Jack, who called for me to get Sayid some water.

"What happened." Jack asked in disbelief.

"The woman, on the island. I had to come back. I had to come back. We're not alone." I felt my jaw drop a bit and I had to steady myself. Even if I didn't know how this French woman they all seemed to know was, I knew what "we're not alone" means, and I felt my blood turn cold at the very sound of it. And then Hurley came running into the caves, a large book under his arm. Jack didn't notice him immediately as he was still trying to treat Sayid's wounds and find out more of what had happened to him the past two weeks, but as soon as he started talking, Jack listened.

"We've got a problem. The manifest, Jack, the census, the names of everyone who survived, all 46 of us. I interviewed everyone. Here, at the beach, got their names. One of them, one of isn't. . ." Jack lost his focus and turned back to Sayid, "Jack! One of them isn't in the manifest. He wasn't on the plane." I felt another wave of chills sweep over me and I sat down on the nearest rock. It sounded like there was more than just some French lady living on the island before us. I tried not to think about how many more people could be on the island besides us, but the thought entered my brain none the less. It was then that I noticed Kate behind me.

"Who wasn't on the plane?" she asked.

"Ethan, that Canadian guy, he wasn't on the passenger manifest." I tried to come up with a visual picture of Ethan in my head, but the name didn't sound familiar to me.

"Well where the hell is he?" Jack asked, standing up and facing us. Normally I would have wanted to stand up myself and be counted among this discussion, but I found myself desperately trying to stay away from the conversation.

"I don't know, I saw him yesterday, but now…" Hurley trailed off, dropping the book which I guessed was the manifest in the dirt in front of him. I stared at the cover, wondering how such a seemingly unimportant book had just changed everything.

"Has anyone seen Ethan!" Jack yelled out to the entire caves. Michael entered and dropped some tarp on the ground near his and Walt's beds.

"Yeah, yeah. He went to go get some wood. He took off on the path to the beach. Is he okay? What happened?" he said, staring at the group.

"Where's Charlie?" Jack asked. My spun around to face him and he met my gaze, but my mouth couldn't open to speak. What did Charlie have to do with anything?

"What?" Kate asked, apparently wondering the same thing I was.

"Where's Charlie!" Jack repeated. No one spoke…and then a voice from behind me answered him. I turned around to see John Locke.

"He went after Claire."

To be continued….


	12. Chapter 12 and just breathe

Hey everyone! I wanted to give you all a little break from the madness that was that hugely long last chappie. Obviously this chapter is going to be a big one, and I've been excited to write it for a LOOOOONG time. I really hope you like it, and keep on reviewing! Oh and one more thing, if you've been regularly reading this story you will have noticed that I try not to put Stella in a scene where she'll be messing up other character's lines and changing the scene to much. I like to create my own scenes, and leave the brilliance to the Lost writing team (Love you Javi! Can't believe you're leaving us!). But in this chapter, putting Stella in a scene from the show was unavoidable. I created Stella to be a strong individual, one that could never just sit back after her best friends on the island have been captured, so I have to send her on the hunt. I've tried not to mess anything up too much, though. Ok now, enjoy!

Love you all,

CBN

Day 14 continued…

"He went after Claire…" Locke spoke decidedly, yet even I could detect a bit of tension in his usually calm voice. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My mind was already forming all the recent events into a horrifying conclusion. If Sayid was hurt by someone who wasn't on the plane, and Ethan wasn't on the plane and he was near Charlie and Claire…I forced myself to break free of this train of thought and keep focused on what was at hand.

"Well we have to do something! We have to find Charlie and Claire and make sure they're ok!" The tears began to flow; years of emotion seemed to drip from my eyes. I grabbed my backpack, threw my water bottle in it, and sprinted out of the cave .

"Stella! Wait!" I heard Jack call from behind me. I spun around, daring him to try and stop me. "I'm going with you." He said, and caught up with me. Locke also followed us, a shiny knife seemingly glowing on his belt loop. Although I was usually a good runner, Jack soon took the lead and was running full force down the path to the beach. Locke kept calling for him to slow down, but he kept his strenuous pace. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped…staring at something on the ground in front of him.

"She was moving back to the beach. Claire. That's hers. What happened? What. . ." Jack asked, noticing Locke pacing around Claire's crumpled purple paisley bag. I continued staring at the bag, my heart threatening to leap out of my throat.

"I don't know. Footprints. At least three distinct sets all over the place. It looks like there might have been a struggle."

"A struggle!" I cried. "What do you mean? Did he hurt them?" Locke eyes suddenly caught on to something else.

"What? What is it?" Jack questioned, obviously out of breath but trying not to think of it.

"Drag marks. Here. And Here." Locke answered.

"Drag marks! I swear to god I will kill him if he hurt them!" I screamed, turning to sprint away down the path after him, but Jack grabbed my arm and held me back, needing more information from Locke the master hunter.

"Claire and Charlie, they were together." Jack spoke, the expression on his face making it clear he understood what had happened.

"I think they've been taken." Locke said.

"No, they can't…I mean…why would he take them? WHY!" I reached up to take out my anger and fear on Locke but Jack tightened his grip on me and pulled both my arms in. "Let go of me Jack! I have to go after them…I have to go…I have…" and then my voice lost all power and the sobs took control.

"Stella, go back to the caves. We'll go after Ethan and we'll bring them back… I promise." Jack reassured me. I fought to get out of his hold but with no avail. There was no way I was going to sit back in the caves and wait to see if they were still alive!

"No." I answered as calmly as possible. "I'm coming with you. Charlie and Claire are all I have here and there is no way I'm not going to do everything in my power to save them." Jack sighed. Locke looked down at me and pulled one of his silvery knives out of his belt and handed it to me, not even trying to ask if I knew how to use one. Not that I would have know how to answer if he did. Jack released me and broke away from the path.

"Claire! Charlie! Claire!

"Jack!" whispered Locke, putting a sly finger up to his lips, "Shhh." He pointed over to a bush near the path and brought a broken branch to our attention. "Tracks are still fresh."

"So we can find them, maybe they're not too far off!" I pleaded, trying to bring some hope into my voice.

"This doesn't make any sense. How can one man drag off two people, one of them pregnant?"

"You're asking the wrong question. Not how, why?" Locke asked in his usual cryptic way.

"You think it was Ethan?" Jack responded. I frantically tried to come up with a memory of what Ethan looked like, but neither the name nor the face seemed familiar to me.

"Certainly feels like it was Ethan, doesn't it?" Locke said.

"By himself, how?" Jack asked.

"We're back to the "how"! We need to go forward! Every moment we wait they're getting farther away! And who knows if they're even still…" I let my voice drift off, finding it unbearable to continue the sentence.

"We can't account for all of our people. And more importantly, who's to

say they're even our people?" Locke said, ignoring me.

"What?" Jack and I chorused together.

"Sayid said there were others."

"Sayid said we're not alone." Jack decidedly answered.

"Semantics" Locke replied.

"You think that there are other people on the island? People who weren't on the plane?" I questioned, once again finding the idea impossible but terrifying all the same.

"Sayid's injured." Jack answered, "We don't even know where he went. He's delirious." I nodded, trying hard to believe in the statement.

"I'm just telling you what the ground is telling me." Locke replied calmly.

"Oh so the ground is talking to you now?" I asked, my patience dwindling. Locke just stared at me.

"So which way is the ground telling you they went?" Jack asked, seeming to finally be ready to leave.

"Jack, we don't know what going on here."

"We know that someone took Charlie and Claire and that's enough for me to do something!" I cried.

"We know enough" Jack agreed with me.

"We need to prepare." Locke said, trying to stifle our urge to move, "We could be back at the caves in ten minutes, organize a search party"

"Which way did they go, Locke?" Jack demanded, cutting him off. Locke took one more look at the ground, then pointed off in a direction with one of his gnarly looking knives. Jack immediately took off sprinting, and seconds later I followed.

We tore through the fields, stumbling as our feet met rocks and holes along the way. My head whipped from side to side, trying desperately to catch on to any sign of movement beside Jack's body in front of me. Suddenly Jack stopped and we listened to the sound of a bird taking flight. I stepped out in front of him and stared out into the expanse of field and jungle. Behind me, Jack reached out and touched a broken leaf, his mind clearly wondering if someone went through here.

"We're gonna find them. We're gonna find them and they're gonna be fine." I looked at Jack, not so much for reassurance but to try and find some emotion in his face. Suddenly, I heard the sound of Jack's name being called out over the field. We both spun around to see Locke, Kate, and Boone coming toward us

"It's a good thing you were going in a circle." Locke said as they neared us. I struggled to catch my breath as I wiped a droplet of sweat from my nose. "Not much of a search grid, but we never would have found you otherwise." I stared at him, wondering how his being a dick was helping the situation. Kate walked up to us.

"Did you find anything?" She asked Jack, turning her head to me when he shook his head. I stared down at the ground, wishing to God that I had found something; some sign of their wellbeing.

"You should go back to the caves…Sayid's leg." Locke told Jack.

"Maybe you should go back, since you refuse to say anything that shows any concern for Charlie or Claire!" I snapped, wanting to shove his bald-ass head in the ground.

"I dressed Sayid's leg, you found me. We can find Charlie and Claire. Now, do we have a trail to follow or not?" Jack answered, shooting a look of cold steel at Locke.

"Jack, this is my fault." Locke said. I opened my mouth, not wanting to hear the rest of his confession.

"What?"

"I hunted with Ethan, I spent time with him. I never sensed anything…off. But for everything that I know about hunting and tracking, whoever he is, he knows more. If we catch up with him, I don't want anything to happen to the only trained physician on the island. So go back…be the doctor. Let me be the hunter." Silence followed him. I stared up at Jack, suddenly feeling very much on his side against Locke.

"Can we go now?" He finally asked. Locke let a breath out.

"Follow me."

We made our way through the jungle, my wife beater sticking to my stomach as a pool of sweat formed in my belly button. The bottoms of my jeans dragged in the dirt, and my hair refused to stayed ticked behind my ears.

"How you doing?" Kate asked, clambering up the path beside me, "I know this must be"

"Hard? Terrifying?" I offered, finishing her sentence for her. She reached out and held my wrist for a moment, offering the first support and sympathy I'd had all day. I forced a smile for her, squeezing her hand before she caught up with Jack.

We seemed to be walking forever. The jungle seemed to swim before me. Soon it all became a blur and my legs began to move on their own while my mind lost all control. Images swarmed together…Jack…Kate…vines sky earth Boone Locke sweat Claire? Charlie? hurt find go go go fall get up! Keep going! Boon and Locke went their own way, leaving Kate, Jack, and me to head out on our own. Soon it began to rain and it beat down on us, completely soaking through every layer we had on. Suddenly, at the foot of a wild hill I heard a scream. Immediately I recognized it as a terrified Claire, and Jack must have heard it too as we both started for the hill at the same moment with Kate calling after us. The hill was steep, and even though adrenaline was fighting to take over, my body ached and the rain wasn't helping. Jack quickly took the lead while Kate and I struggled along behind him, grabbing onto rock, plant…whatever was nearby. Then Jack lost his grip and before Kate and I could catch him he tumbled down the hill, sliding out of sight as he made his descent.

"Jack!" Kate cried out, but soon all we heard was silence and rain, the two making a very definite connection and separation. "We have to go down." She turned up to me and said. I nodded, and began to slowly place one foot behind the other, although going down backwards was much harder than going up. When we finally reached the bottom, Jack was laying in a pool of muddy water, clutching his head which was badly bruised and bloody.

"Are you alright?" I asked him, trying to help him up out of the mud, but he refused to leave.

"Ethan…" He coughed. Kate and I looked at each other and then surveyed the area. No one else was around.

"Jack…there's no one there." Kate told him, clutching his hand and staring, worried, into his eyes. He stared back and for a moment I thought the two of them were frozen, but then Jack got up and we continued on, finding an easier way up the hill. The rain stopped, but our clothes continued to cling to us, the material now heavy with rain and sweat and blood. And then it happened. We were simply pushing our way onward. Pulling ferns and leaves out of the way. And then one fern opened up to my worst nightmare. It took a moment to register in my head, but soon it did; Charlie was hanging from a tree. Someone hanged Charlie. Charlie isn't moving. Jack and Kate rushed forward, but I found myself as immobile as Charlie. A scream alike to Claire's ripped out of my throat, and I immediately covered my mouth for fear another would escape. Jack yelled for Kate to climb the tree, which she did, and then the slow motion took over. I looked at Jack's strained face, keeping Charlie's weight off the noose. I saw Kate swing her knife out towards the vine but not make it, and cry for Jack to move Charlie closer. I stared at Charlie's face, silently screaming to see his eyes, cursing the blindfold and promising death to Ethan. I watched as Kate cut through the vine and Charlie's limp body fall. And then, all motion caught up. My feet were released from the ground's hold and I rushed forward to my dear Charlie's side. Jack pushed the blindfold off his eyes, which were painfully bruised and red. I stifled a sob, but knew that the floodgates would break soon enough. Jack began CPR and I found myself holding his head, humming a lullaby under my breath as if he were only a sleeping child. Jack's movements began move aggressive and quickly built up to a violent pounding. I stared down into Charlie's face, searching for any signs of life or recognition. Kate began to shudder and tears swarmed to the surface of her eyes. Nothing was happening. Why wasn't he waking up? I fought against the idea that Charlie could die, but death is the absence of breath, isn't it, and Charlie wasn't breathing. I felt as if I would die too…

To be continued…(school's almost over and I want to get this posted before I have to return my school-loaned laptop)

PLEASE REVIEW!


	13. Chapter 13 and just live

_I stared down into Charlie's face, searching for any signs of life or recognition. Kate began to shudder and tears swarmed to the surface of her eyes. Nothing was happening. Why wasn't he waking up? I fought against the idea that Charlie could die, but death is the absence of breath, isn't it, and Charlie wasn't breathing. I felt as if I would die too…_

Continued...

Jack began a rhythmic beat on Charlie's chest, trying to force his lungs to pump on their own.

"He's not breathing. Come on, breathe, Charlie. Come on, breathe. Come on!" Jack commanded. His fists tightened and the once typical pushes down on Charlie's chest became urgent pounds, not asking for life but _demanding_ it. I heard Kate let loose a sob beside me, but I couldn't look over at her. She took Charlie's other hand and clasped it as if in prayer. My own tears had stopped, my throat too clenched and hollow, as if the detritus of my previous emotions had clogged my own breath's passage. I stared down into Charlie's face where the once sun grazed skin had been turned sallow and cold, the yellow and purple of fresh bruises wrapped around his neck and eyes. He didn't look like Charlie anymore.

"Come on! Come on!" Jack urged again, but the minutes ticked on, each one dragging with so much hope and every chance I was holding on to. Kate was now weeping openly beside me, and began to push at Jack's thrusting shoulders.

"Jack stop..stop. He's not..." I look up at her then, while beside me Jack stopped his incessant pounds.

"No, Kate. He's holding on! Don't tell him to stop now!" I reached over and stroked Charlie's face, pushing his noose away from his head. "Charlie...you can do it, you can wake up. Just try, Charlie. Please! Please just try!" I looked up to Jack, my eyes pleading as they never have before. 'Please Jack...' I thought, 'be the doctor..make him come back!'. Kate rejoined us.

"It's okay..it's okay." She attempted to console us. My jaw fell from my closed lips; how could they be giving up on one of us? And then Jack shifted and looked at me, and I knew he felt the same.

"No...no."

"Jack! Jack..." Kate tried to pull away his arms even as the beating began in earnest once more, the attempt to push life back into his body.

"Stop!" Kate cried, standing above us and sobbing, then turning away from us and covering her face in her hands. I fell back onto the ground and pushed away...I couldn't handle the moment. Jack kept urging him on while he seemingly broke his chest plate with his tireless fists. My senses took over, my rationalism in all its minute being...he was gone.

And then a noise like a flock of birds taking to the sky broke through the rain and the sound of Kate's sorrow: Charlie took a mighty breath and with that, my own life swam to the surface as well. Kate hurried back over to us and knelt down beside my trembling form, now giving in to the emotion-filled sobs that wracked my body. Jack smiled and he and Kate shared a laugh-like expulsion of breath while Jack cradled Charlie against him. I placed an exuberant kiss to Charlie's temple and wrapped my arm around Kate, who clenched it back.

"Breath deep...breath deep. You're okay." Jack said calmly. And as Charlie's blue ocean eyes scanned us all and the rattling sound in his chest eased a bit. He was alive.

We gave him all the water we had and he drank it all in pleading gulps. Jack ducked under Charlie's right arm to hold him up, and Kate took the other side. We somewhat slid and floated back to the caves, none of us saying anything; to words to be said even if we could. It was getting dark as the rocky terrain of our cave home came into view.

"We're home, Charlie. We're back." Kate whispered reassuringly. And while we all knew it was not our home, it was the best thing to it and a welcome sight after the days heart-wrenching events.

We were welcomed back by all. Everyone showed up and crowded around us, reaching out to touch Charlie like he was a saint, and all the while his blank eyes stared back. How much longer could he stay so stone-like? Charlie Pace, rock god...in statue form.

We sat him down by the fire pit, lay plane blankets over his shoulders. Gave him hot water, cold water, a cup of coca-cola found buried in the sand the over day. He sipped the cold water, wincing slightly as it passed through his throat. I sat on his right, every so often letting a finger touch to his elbow, or shoulder. He didn't respond to my touch...or to anything. Jack came with bandages and the rest of his rag-tag medical kit. He took out a strip of gauze and poured some sacred rubbing alcohol into it, then gently stroked the menacing bruises and cuts on Charlie's neck.

"Does that hurt? How's your breathing?" No response, "Charlie, you've got to talk to me. We're going to back out and look for Claire the moment the sun comes up, and I could really use your help. Anything you can tell me about what you remember, where you were going." Jack's words drifted off, and I looked at him, eyes pleading for him to go on; 'be the good doctor...make him talk!'. He looked to Kate, who also stood near, waiting with baited breath for a sign of our Charlie's return to earth. He turned back to Charlie.

"Did you see or hear–?"

"I didn't see anything, hear anything." came the voice I longed for. Charlie's parched lips gave in to the words, yet his eyes stared ahead as before. "I don't remember anything." Then, as if he only just allowed himself to remember, "Claire..."

"What?" Jack responded, praying for him to go on.

"Charlie it's ok. What about Claire?" I pleaded, my eyes fixed on the sides of his. He blinked, then slowly continued.

"That's all they wanted..." Jack questioned him again, even though the cool jungle air was progressively getting more chill as his tone and words ran down our spines.

"All they wanted...was Claire."

AU: GOD! It's been well over a year since I last wrote in Survival Rate, and damn well time I started it up again. This chapter was so hard to write, not only due to the fact that the episode was near impossible to watch, but also because of Charlie's recent death on the Lost season finale. He was, obviously, my favorite character, and it pained me in so many ways to lose him. Anyone who gets attached to a character in film or television knows what it's like. You get attached to people, you love them, fight for them. They become a friend. So I dedicate this chapter to Charles Heronymous Pace: you are real to us, dear Charlie, you still are.


	14. Chapter 14 and just let go

Alright, it's a short chapter, but I wanted to get it up before I lost all sense of this story.

Day 14

My head feels like one of those rattles that babies play with; shook up to the point of delirium, with no clue as to how to make the pieces settle again. Claire's gone. Charlie is back…alive….but Claire was gone. How could both be gone and only one come back to fill the bottomless pit in my stomach? Anger is swelling inside me like the thunderous waves on the beach…waves which are getting unusually high and close to our camp. Part of me wants to let them wash me away.

Earlier I sat on the sand, apart from the group and, against what good graces told me, apart from Charlie. I couldn't bear to look at him. He'd neither spoken nor fastened eyes with anyone since we brought him back…not even me. I sat calmly by his side for hours, holding his hand sometimes, forcing water past his parched lips as he gazed out the sea, staring not at any scenery before him, but at the world in his head. I can't even imagine what he's feeling like. But like my usual selfish self I can't stand it anymore.

Everyone's running around like frightened monkeys right now, try to save the few pieces of home and the makeshift lives they've put together here before the waves capture them. They started all of a sudden today; with no warning they just got bigger and bigger and closer and closer, until finally Jack began telling people to pick up their things and move farther in. In my melodramatic world the waves are as angry as I am at whatever monsters took Charlie and Claire. Perhaps I should find Locke and ask him to teach me to hunt…at least then I feel like I could really lend a hand in the search for Claire. Boone and Locke came back (but then left again)…without Claire clearly, but Locke seemed less upset than the rest of us. I'd like to rattle _his_ head around sometime.

Jack and Sayid were talking earlier. They think the fuselage is going to be swept out to sea. I can't imagine a mass that like being lifted up and carried away, but it's even harder to imagine the beach without it. In a way I'll be glad to see it go; the biggest reminder of our crash. But it brings a sense of semi-calming reality to all of this. _Stop daydreaming, Stella…this is real…not some story you can crawl into. _

No one's at the caves anymore. There's an unspoken terror lying there, taking the place of Claire. No one wants to be kidnapped. So it's back to sleeping on the sand again, trying to forget the crazy waves I swear I can feel lapping at my toes.

I went to talk to Boone today, hoping he'd found something resembling evidence that Claire was still alive out in the jungle, but only Shannon was hanging around their spot on the beach, sunbathing on her stomach with the straps of her flimsy string bikini untied to bear her back to the elements.

"Is Boone back from the jungle yet?" I asked her, praying she'd give me a short answer and I wouldn't have to talk with her long. She was exactly the kind of vapid blonde bimbo I tried to avoid.

"Who cares…" She answered, not even turning her head. I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel to leave when she spoke again. "You're Stella, right?" I stopped and turned around, my eyes meeting hers that now were open and looking at me.

"Yeah."

"Boone said you were from LA too. Where'd you go to high school?" I furrowed my brow. "LA High, why?"

"Oh…just wondering if we would have run into each other. How old are you?"

"18." I answered, "I actually only went to high school…like…on and off. I wasn't exactly the ace student or anything. And you probably went to private school, didn't you?" She certainly looked the part.

"Yeah…so what." I sighed. This was exactly the sort of thing that wasn't important here, yet here I was bringing it up.

"Nothing…it's just that if I'd had the opportunity to go to a school with teachers who actually cared I probably wouldn't have failed half my classes." Of course, if I'd known I'd end up on a deserted island I would have kept on not caring about math and started taking shop or something that actually would have been useful here.

"It isn't all it's cracked up to be. Mostly the teachers just what they know the parents of the students can get for them. Like country club memberships and stuff." She said, resting her chin on her forearm and flicking the sand off her towel. I nodded absentmindedly and looked off in the distance, trying to figure out the best way to leave without getting dragged into a debate on something like 'collars popped or flipped down?'. Luckily, Sayid was moving towards us, clearly on a mission to speak to Shannon.

"Well…I'll see you later."

"I'll tell Boone you were looking for him." She answered.

"It's not…I mean…don't worry about it." If they had found some sort of trail out there I was sure we'd all know about it. I passed Sayid on the way back to my tent and nodded at him in greeting. He smiled briefly in a way that made me think he didn't do a lot of it. I felt sad at seeing it all of a sudden, like even the troubles on the island were nothing compared to people's former lives.

Later, I helped move the entire camp up the beach, amazed at how much stuff from the crash we were still holding on to; things I was sure we'd never need, like a bunch of the yellow stuffing from inside the seat cushions, or a miraculously unshattered window from the fuselage. But people were attached to the few things we had, so I gathered all I could in my tarp and dragged it across the sand. Just before I reached the destination I turned to flick a piece of hair off my brow and was amazed to see Charlie, still shattered and fragile looking, helping Rose with a long piece of metal. Was he actually rejoining society? I'd never spent any time with Rose but if she could wake Charlie up from his nightmare she must be something special. I smiled slightly and, upon reaching the site of the new camp, dropped my load and plopped into the sand. I ran over to Charlie and Rose, grabbing hold of a side of their baggage.

"Thanks, honey. We can always use another hand." We placed it amidst the other random wreckage and Rose, after dusting her hands off, left to set her tent back up.

"You doing better?" I asked Charlie, lightly holding his wrist and pulling him back towards me before he could escape.

"I don't need help. I have to do this myself." he answered. I shook my head and furrowed my brow.

"Do what? Charlie you have to talk to me here."

"I have to do this myself." he repeated, then walked off, leaving me alone to worry about him.

That night, as we all gathered around the trees in our new home (as much as a hated to think of it that way), I watched as Charlie sat down beside Rose, and then, after a few hushed words, began slowly to cry. As much as I wanted to go and comfort him in his sudden outpouring I knew he had to find his own way of release, whether or not I was involved. And maybe, just maybe, he could go back to being human. Back to being Charlie.


End file.
